to meet

we met
on one of those days
etched in the wind

full of
completed sentences
wild giggles
and surprises

i didn't even think
about what kind of
impression
i was making

i just wanted to be close

your eyes
were pale
with the light
of the sky

my eyes
were darkened
by the wanderings
of the moon

what could we think
was similar
between us?

what could we know
was hopeful
inside us?

what could we understand
so quickly
that would last
so deeply
within our hearts

i was never
as smart
as you

but i knew you
before i could even
whisper

hello

step out
of the dream
into life

and see
what it means
to be whole

(told)

amnesia

i've forgotten
how to be
with you

i've forgotten
what is me
with you

i've mistaken
what was right
with an atmosphere
that's tight

and i can't see
how to be free
with you

when the me
with you
isn't good
for you

should i stay?

i try again
in uncertainty

breathlessly hoping
for what used to be

endlessly searching
for the part of me

that you loved

(see)

averted parting

almost lost you
to-night

almost broke
what's left of
my heart

all for the hope
of understanding

all for the careful
questions and
caring

all for nothing

you like
and you move on

you care
and you do no wrong

i magnify
and hold it in

i brood
and misjudge the wind

what once was
natural
is now passe

no wonder 
you want to 
turn away

i'm the ghost
of what you loved
before

haunting with
bullshit
forevermore

(stare)

writing away the uncertain days (and the endless nights)

"i love you

you have
nothing
to worry about

you have
no one to be

but yourself

i love
the you
who you are

so don't worry

if i show support
to someone else
it's to help them

or encourage them

but not to share
an intimacy
with them

if i give
wordless attention
it's to bolster them

or reassure them

but not to draw
them closer
to my heart

you have my heart

you've known
this
from the very
beginning

remember
when it was so hard
to say

'i love you?'

i had to be sure

i had to be with you

i had to look at you
face to face

to release
what was inside
of me

never doubt
the veracity

of what i give."

sometimes
writing
helps me focus
on the bad

and make it good

sometimes
the words
help me push away
the doubts

and make me sure

and sometimes
i create
what i wish was said

over and over again

willing myself
to make things right

oh, love be anew
and forget this night!

(true)


audio version here:  https://soundcloud.com/jamison99/writing-away-the-uncertain-days-and-the-endless-nights

delayed

didn't get a chance
to apologize

didn't get a chance
to grow up
in your eyes

why does life
have to be
so un-understanding

demanding
my best
even when i don't
feel it

in unguarded
moments of
dark reflection

withhold the
affection
and let me go

it's the only way
i can grow

to you

grow

shake it off
he didn't mean
how it sounded

give it up
you take things
too seriously

erase the word
you don't mean
to write it

forget the thought
you can't express it
anyway

give up
it's the only
safe thing
to do

start anew
and let go

(grow)

control

don't pretend
you aren't in
control

you took it
long ago

with your voice
always booming
and interrupting

with your power
well displayed
in physical strength

you direct me
even when you
ask me

where we're going

to answer true
is to answer what you
want

all other responses
are invalid

and static to ears
and heart

what starts as equal
ends in tears

over and over 
again

(relent)