Friday, August 19, 2011

conditions

my plate
is full right now

my cup
runneth over
with troubled waters

i wish
you'd just
step away

(for just a little while)

until my head's straight
until my mind's clear

until . . .
something right
happens in my life

but
if i put you on pause

and have you wait
until the world's
just right

i'd never see you again

stay near
stay close

stay in love

be loved
but don't expect
a whirlwind
of epic proportions

there's just
going to be

spastic you
(and your giggle)

and weary me
(if you'll take me)

take me
as far as you can go
and i'll take you

as far as you can dream

(soon)








Saturday, July 30, 2011

overdubbed


sometimes
my words
don’t match up
to what i think

like a badly dubbed
foreign movie
seen late at night

i struggle
and waver

hem
and haw

shifting from one foot
to another
awkwardly

and yet
when i write

the phrases come out
complete, and pure

in a wave of beauty

universally understood

if only the world
could slow down
for my words

give me a chance
to roll my brain
around my heart

then i could finally
say
all the things i
feel
that stir me inside

before you walk away

before the end of the day . . .













soundcloud version here: http://soundcloud.com/jamison99/overdubbed





Friday, July 8, 2011

no one

 

no one 
can be certain
what's inside a man's heart

and no one
can tell you
what he means
when he holds you close in the night

no close friend
analyzing his emails
over coffee and bagels

no psychic
with her hands to her temple
and her fingers in your wallet

no psychiatrist
who lies you on his couch
and lies to you by the hour

no dr phil
no oprah

no one

all you can do
is look into his eyes
breathe in his soul

and trust yourself

accept him
for him
and open your heart

and
with whispers in the night
and gestures in the day

he'll reveal 
everything

walls between you
will fall
and build strong
around you both

unsure eyes
will learn to
focus
on treasured realities


and
no one
will be able to take away

the joy
you have won

 
(tuesday, january 25, 2011 at 1:13am) 28/9/12
 
http://soundcloud.com/jamison99/no-one




Wednesday, May 18, 2011

small glimmerings (a matt and stella story)

To-day wasn't going to be good.  He could feel it, all the way down to his bones.

Matt wiped the back of his hand across his forehead, then examined the dirt that came off him.  Disgusting.  He looked around him.  The hedges were unruly . . .the grass, gnarly and jungle-like.  The dandelions . .everywhere.

This was going to take forever.

Sighing, Matt squared his shoulders, and picked up the weed eater once more.

Well, he would have, except . . .

The fun thing about living with Stella is that you can hear her coming before you can see her.  Either she's wearing the big boots that stomp even on the softest grass . . or she's strapped to a backpack with seven or eight jingling keys . . or . .or . .

Dear God, no.  Not the iPod.

Matt smiled inwardly, knowing that Stella was trying . . really trying to sneak up on him.  Respectfully.  He stood still, and waited for her to prance over to him . . .

And she did.  Singing, of course.

"You're an essay in grammar . . please pardon the . . grammar . .but you're every schoolgirl's dream.  You're the Celtics, United, but baby I've decided you're the best thing I've ever seen . . "

"and she was," Matt murmured to himself.

Stella stood in front of him, heavily ladened. Iced water, in a big orange glass in one hand.  A very flat sandwich, on a green plastic plate in the other.  A sandwich bag under her arm . . .

.....and a smile spread across her face.

Matt moved his sunglasses over his head, like a knight flipping open his steel visor.  Stella tried to do the same, but couldn't quite move the glass . . to her other hand, or the plate . .to the first hand . . or ..

. .it was really quite complicated, the shuffling.

Understanding almost immediately, Matt moved forward, and gently uncovered his lady's eyes.

"Hi," he whispered.

'Hi!"  she yelled back, "I brought you some . . ."

Matt gently removed one of the earbuds from her ear.

" . . .foodstuffs . . "

"I'm right here."

"I know."

"There's no need to shout."

"I kn-ow."

"I mean, it's not like I'm deaf."

"I k-n-o-ow!"

She giggled in frustration.

Matt took the plate, and examined the sandwich.

"Flatbread?"

"No.  Wheat."

"Why is it so . . .flat?"

"So you can eat it faster."

Matt opened his mouth to say "Oh" but stopped, mid-sound.  He looked at her, eyebrow arched.  She raised the glass, eye-level.

"Um . . .want your drink?"

"Not . . .yet."

"Could you hold it, for a minute, then?"

He took the beverage from Stella.  She immediately ripped open the sandwich bag, and took out a moist red bandanna.

Matt acted like he was mesmerized with his sandwich.  Hypnotized.  So embroiled in the wonder of the food, that he didn't notice Stella raising on tip-toes, holding the bandanna in her hands . . .moving in back of him, then in front . . trying to....

.trying to . . .

"Hey, could you . . . "

"Just a moment. " he said, with his mouth full.  "I'm trying to finish this."

"OK, you can . .but could you . . ."

"After all, there's some sort of time limit involved with my meals all of a sudden."

"No , I just . . ."

"I have to eat reaaaaaalllly fast before the warden comes back."

"No!  that's not . . . that's not . . " She always found it hard to finish sentences when she was giggling so hard." That's . . . .smaller sandwiches help you digest better."

"Oh, now it's a question of my health.  Well, thank you for watching out for me there.  It's a wonder I can do any yard work at all, with me at death's door, and not being able to even digest food . . . "

"No . .I . . no . . Maaaaatttt . . .Stoppit!"

"Suddenly, I feel faint.  I mean . . .I don't know if I stumble back to the house.  Are you going to escort me back?  It seems so far . . . ."

He finally looked at her.  Her face had that one patient smile on it.  Her cheeks were flushed from laughter.  Her hair was all over the place

It was the best thing he saw all day.

"All right  . . ." He asked, giving her smile back to her. "What do you need?"

"Could you . . bend your head down a bit?"

Matt leaned down.  Stella put the bandanna around his shoulders, knighting him with coolness, and the caring love that she was showing him.

"Thank you."

Matt handed the plate back to Stella, and drained the glass soon after.  She smiled, gathered up the different accessories, and bounced away.

Matt followed her with his eyes, keeping her in sight as long as possible.  At one point, she turned the corner, and the sun reflected off the glass.  It looked, just for a moment, like a star in the distance.

He watched her small, glimmering figure until he could see her no more.  Then he went on with the rest of his work . . .refreshed, restored . . . .


. . .and renewed for the rest of the day.





Sunday, March 27, 2011

ode to silence

hanging
with my bestie
silent as always

he's amazing

yet i can't find the words
to say anything

just to talk
just to share
just to relate

just to know

i should be
just content
to breathe the same air

but
i'm into words
(both vague and clear)
and i feel something
in my heart

demanding
to come out

but
as my lips part
to let free
some silly
overlived phrase

he looks at me
with deep eyes
and stares at me

seriously

and we laugh
our
heads off

snorting
into our coffees
in a display
most unbecoming
to love-tortured couples

(but
why do you have
to torture your love
with hallmark words?)

let the joy
in your eyes
and the snorts
in your . .uh . .nose

show the love
that ever-grows
in your heart

the words
won't be remembered
half as much
as the twinkle in your eyes


(shaddup)

audio version here:  https://soundcloud.com/jamison99/ode-to-silence

Thursday, March 3, 2011

backtrack

did you notice
on the night before
the night before last

when you stood
in the middle
of my path
and started walking
closer to me

that i was
slowly
backing away
from you

just like old times?

did you see me
staring down

keeping my eyes from yours?

i could feel you
looking
straight through me

trying to convince me
over and over again

how wrong i was
how right you were

how people
just don't
do
such a thing

and i saw myself
backing away from you
(as i did
yesterday
and a day ago)

thinking
it all comes down to this

you
not even knowing
your own strength

and i
forgetting
what you do
with your power

over and over again

damn me for crossing you
and being fooled again

damn you for wanting me
to be the me
i never said i was

don't make up
my future
without even knowing
what i am now

i'll back away
and back away
once more

never
to retrace
my steps again

(gone)





Wednesday, February 16, 2011

very very strange

there comes a time
when you realize
that all that you fought for
(or fought against)
is for naught

that what
you want in life
together
isn't even what you dreamed
in separation

and with
that realization
comes, naturally,
the urge to go away

far away

because
even if
he never understood you

even if
you never spoke
the same language

even if
he never cared

there was still
this
feeling

that he was on your side

no more
no way

not a thing
can be said

the fundamental
perfection
beats
the free thinking
mess

every. single. time.

(leave soon
before
what's left of your spirit
gets ironed out
with the rest
of your inconsequential
irregularities)