missed connections

tried to text him
the other day

he said the shower
was beating him down

and he couldn't read me

tried to call him
the other eve

he said the world 
was taking him over

and he couldn't hear me

one day
the universe will be 
all in line

and i'll be able
to reach across 
the miles

and really get
the chance to say
what i want to say

but by then 
i'll have forgotten
what i was thinking

and all he'll get 
is a silly meme
a couple of smiley faces
and a link to a forgotten song

because that's how 
we talk now

pictures and song
hieroglyphics and long pauses

over and over again

(brrrrriiiiinnnng) 

leave

you said
you thought you could care
forever

if only i would change

you promised
that you would always be around
town

if i never went anywhere

and i changed my skin
and i laid down roots

and i looked for you 
every day
outside my door

but you were never there

maybe you over promised
what you could have been

maybe you overestimated
how much you could give

maybe you're just over
what spell you were under

viking's done plundering
now he's on the run

far from the shadows
of my trees

(leave)

did

i'm afraid
it won't be free and easy
anymore

i'll end up
measuring my words
twice
like they're some ingredient
in a long forgotten recipe

and you know how i cook

i'm sad that
i can't relax like i did
in before times

when giggles punctuated
wheezy breaths and 
whispers conquered
over loud yelling

and we shared storms
marveling under lighting-flecked skies

half-smiling in remembrance 
over twisted dialogues

sent across the miles
fearlessly
without a care in the world

because we knew
what we meant

once

(did)

time and tide

when you were young
you were well cared for

much longed for

and the sun rose and set
on what you believed in

when i was young
i was scarcely heard of

little thought of

and the moon waxed and waned
on what i imagined could be

fin to frock
sand to swimming

harsh to softness
lost to winning

there's nothing that makes sense
for what we have 

but here we are
still swimming against the tide

waiting for no man 
to pass us by

with hardly a clue
of what to do

when the light shines again

(when)

to-day

i am still
holding my breath

after all this time

i am still
tentatively hopeful

despite all that was

i still 

want an answer

to what has happened

but i still

want to believe

that it won't happen again

words with accountability

faith with reason

the sane is here again

(begin)

what

weary 
of what she is

wary
of what she promises

wishing
i never met her

what 
do i even miss from her

there's controlling
behind the hugs

dementia
behind the words

red flags
round every corner

can i be tired
of what i thought was love?

or was it even love at all?

(call)

blank

there's a lot of downtime
in the job i have

and in this blank 
i fill in musings of the night

why did i say that?
why didn't i speak?

what did he mean?
where did it go wrong?

i stand
scanning the shelves 
for something to escape
this interrogation

but the stories turn
their spines aside

no escape in imagination
today

just the wind pressing 
against each windowpane

looking for a weakness
to wiggle within

(blank)

listen

sometimes you have to choose
who to listen to

sometimes the one you gave
all your trust to

tries to convince you to 
betray yourself

just to flex their powers

sometimes the one who was just
a heartbeat away

is now just waiting 
to tear you apart

the genius knows nothing
but his books and his whispers

the prophet follows no one
but the blind

the only sound from the hunter
is the echo of the prey

his scream stays in your ears
far longer than any call

with no warning at all
he turns

and burns what's left of your soul

(know)

hallowed halls

i walked up and down
stone steps

the sound of my feet echoed
in halls where the forefathers faltered

i lingered behind

smelling the antique odor of faded paint
varnished wood
and leather bound books 

their thoughts waving on each page

i was intimidated by my surroundings
thinking that if i made one false step

one suspicious sound

i would be out of there
quick as a wink
and put in solitary confinement

living out my years thinking
about the wrong i'd done
to my country

just for a sneeze

and yet
for every fear i felt
my heart gave gratitude
for even being there

a half mexican twice removed
sharing in the awe of history

on every wall
on every ceiling
at every step

with every memory
that chose to be

(free)