Sunday, December 31, 2017


all the things
i hid from you
on the sly

were found out
in the end

but all the things
i wore on my sleeve

were never seen
at all

all the times
i whispered my sighs

all the times
i pleaded with my eyes

all the times
i kicked you and ran away

saying the things
i couldn't say

with a shove

you found the love
in my words

but passed the worries

looking for the day


Wednesday, December 27, 2017

don't lean

don't lean on him
too much

for when he fails you
(and he will)
you'll find it
that much harder
to get up

but don't worry

the strength you gain
in the rising
will be much better
than any wooing
that you receive

believe me
you'll walk again


we all thought
we'd lose her

before we did

we'd written her off
until the writing
was off the page

eloquent phrases
with several syllables
designed to roll off the
tongues of the best

just waiting for her fall

didn't know she'd go
as soon as she did

but she's gone

and nothing but
everything isn't the same

Sunday, December 17, 2017


if i sit
and talk about
the normal

then the abnormal
will go away

if i look
in the opposite

the inflections
in my words
will save the day

if i ignore
the reality

the insanity

and look past
what's you and me

towards the ideal

then what is real
will fade away

into the vision
i want to stay

(or not)

game plan

no win
no try
no live
no be

just do

no listen
no try
no understand
no see

just do

no lead

no caress

do what's best
to let him see

that he's the good
in me

and then let go

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

too much, just enough

i've forced your eyes
more than they've ever seen

i've made you think 
too much

i've tuned your ears
more than they've ever heard

i've made you try
too much

you tire at the thought
of being with me

yet you step over step
across rug
and pillows

looking for me

and as you lean
your head
on my tummy
and listen
to my being

i become still
for you

breathing in
the love
breathing out
the pain

over and over again
until the sea
calms for me

and you


Saturday, December 9, 2017

i'll be the one

i'll be with you
even if you don't
understand me

i'll smooth it out
for you

i'll be around you
even if you
frustrate me

i'll tough it out 
for you

i'll flatten
all the hills
that grow between us

i'll salt
all the skids
that try to stumble us

and when
you don't think
you can go on

i'll be
the one who'll
remind you
what for

again and again and again

until the sun
shines once more


Tuesday, December 5, 2017


i don't want
to fly anymore

i don't want
to try anymore

you opened my eyes
and now i finally

just the who i'm
meant to be

i don't want
to give anymore

i don't want
to live anymore

your words relive
in my heart

teaching it to
tear me apart

i don't want to
plea anymore

i don't want to
be anymore

you finally define
how you feel

and now nothing
in me is real


Friday, December 1, 2017


back in the day
when the outside air
was only a windowsill

me with a big book
about death
that i'd checked out
over and over again
from the library

listening to the endless
houston rain
as i thumbed through
the pages

"love tko" sliding
in and out of earshot

wiling the day away
in the only peace
i could hold on to

before the storm
started once more


Thursday, November 30, 2017


in your
sweeping changes
of good

don't forget 
the past

love her
protect her

dry her tears

but don't
substitute her memory
with all of

allow her
to remember
the past
and what was

no matter 
how distant
no matter
how sad

help her know
what's been
as well as
what will be

and her place
in the world
will strengthen

in the wisdom
of to-morrow
and to-day


Wednesday, November 29, 2017

in spite of me

had we met
in normality

you wouldn't
have given me
half a chance

had we talked
in formality

you wouldn't
have known me
quite so well

oh, what the hell
maybe you would
have seen me

in spite of me

but i'm not so sure


whisper of promise

you never were
as pretty
as you are to-night

and your hair
tickles so nicely
as you lean close
to me

and you smell
so beautifully
better than bacon
and gin

and you walk in
like you own
the place
and me

and you do 

and i want
to tell you
what you mean
to me

before we get
too much
into it

but all i can do
is lean against you

and the warmth
of your humanity

whispering a
promise that i
hope you cannot

about the sun
and a home
and the rain
and your place
in my heart

oh, don't start asking me now

just listen
to what the words
could say

if i could only
find a way

to tell you


i don't remember
days or nights
so perfectly

(as perfectly
as you)

i see times
blurred in
sunshine and

(even in
the rain)

you'll remind me
why a place is

(right down to

but it won't
matter to a
foggy brain

(so full of the
instant and now)

one day
i'll show you
the greatest shine
of the mooon

or a perfect turn
of the tide
twisting at the
of your eye

just beyond your reach

until then
i'm chipping away
at the hours

clicking and clacking
what's left
of a memory

hoping for home
before darkness

long time away


the way he's remembered

watching eyes
careful heart

that he was

sardonic spirit
sideways smile

that he was

and even though
the memory 
of his touch

day to day

i can still 
conjure up
the way he made
me feel

when he whispered
to me

set free my emotions
one more time

before the end
of my walk


the way she's remembered

thoughtful eyes
caring heart

that she was

hopeful spirit
helping smile

that she was

and even though
the memory 
of her voice

day to day

i can still 
conjure up
the way she made
me feel

when she whispered
to me

set free my emotions
one more time

before the end
of my walk


preface to a diary

before i let you
read this poetry journal
you need to know
some things

i don't write very well
(in fact, you may not
be able to decipher all
these words.  when i
let it all out, my writing slants
this way and that, trying hard
to pull the emotions
out of me.  footnotes will be

i seldom rhyme
(so how can it be poetry?
but, then again, when i try
to rhyme, i end up sounding
like some demented dr. seuss
or a clean limerick that won't
get to the point.... so why try?)

i consider myself
a poet only because
i see things differently
(and explain things

like that one time
i said that someone was
in the spell of delusion,
under a clouded umbrella

and several other mumbled phrases
until my co-worker asked
"why can't you just say he's insane
like everyone else?")

i'm not like everyone else
for better or for worse

so, be kind as you judge......


last day

i finally
all the emails
you sent me

in one fell swoop

then i set
the settings so i'll
never see

anything from you

and i sighed
that little sigh
that's been buried inside

for quite some time

waiting for the feeling
of freedom
that's supposed to come

when it's over

i guess it's been done
for longer than

just waiting
for me to give in

and even though
i've done
what it takes to
be done

i have to wait for
the joy to begin

just wait for the
joy to begin


Tuesday, November 28, 2017


i just asked you
where you wanted
to go to eat

i didn't expect this
of everything you 
hold dear

all i want 
is a simple
yes or no

not a rocking
tower of
quaking with emotion
over absolutely 

your problem is
you take everything
so seriously

what happened to 
the giggly girl 
i was enchanted by

a few short years away?

why does everything
become all
fraught with meaning

when it's just 
simply you 
and direct me

trying to get along?

your expectations
learn to let go
of your feelings

before i turn away

not that you'd even 

in between words


what's past
is past

the future?
who knows

what friends remember
seems so hard to forget

forecast using
the past
as a guide

along the ride
you'll see what you've

what's earned
will show through



the best thing to have
is more
than someone else

no, wait

the best thing to have
is the ability to give
the more that you have
to someone who needs it

just the touch
of something good
you can give the world

can give you warmth
for days


good for nothing

if you're told
you're good for nothing
look for the something
that made them say
you were nothing

bless them
then move on

what i meant to say

i meant to say
i love you
and i trust you
with all my heart

but when i saw you
outside waiting for me

(stomping that little stomp thing
you do when i'm a bit late)

the message i had been rehearsing
for almost an hour
slid down my throat
and hid behind
my internal organs

making my heart feel
just that much fuller
at the sight of you

winded again
speechless again
hopeless again

all i could do
is listen to your
news of the day

following your
babbling word cloud
with my
less than awkward silence

i'm less that awkward
with you

(maybe i should have said that)


the world
is too big in it's troubles

go outside

breathe in the air
(even if it's a little cold)

stare up at the sky
(even if it's a little cloudy)

try to get lost
(even just for a moment)

lost in rain
lost in fraught
lost in sunshine
lost in thought

and whatever
the world
was your trouble

will be forgotten
in the dwelling
of the day 

even just for a moment


stranger believed

once you were a stranger
hiding in my fears

with my worries
grinding in my gears

then you were a scoundrel
popping in my dreams

with my follies
acting in my scenes

finally you became a friend
stomping in my brain

with my troubles
wading in my rain

if i close my eyes
and let me
i can let you
in my heart

if i open my heart
and let you
i can let me
make a start

i believe
you're the future
as scary as it seems

can a once stranger
be the begin of all things?

Friday, November 24, 2017

sonnet for the amorous couple at the library (in full view)

she only wanted to partake
of what was given to her
she smelled of spices and cake
the rest was just a blur

he only needs what i have
he never looks at others
he talks forever of my calves
and always wants to smother

you can't have bliss at a library
it's a public place, you know
we only wish for the ordinary
your affection is not for show

please find a place to be alone
or do your smooches over the phone

new york city

i used
to want to live
to new york city

my daddy
would point out random
scenes on the tv

"look, that's where
you want to go, right?"

and i would nod, and smile
visions of rhoda and felix
oscar and that girl in my head

thinking all i needed
was a great wardrobe
and a crazy job

to survive

but now
as i'm getting older
i watch the movies
coming from the big apple
i walk with the vloggers
discussing their day to day
while making sense of
the road ahead of them

and that's enough for me

i've built up
nyc so much
in my head

that nothing
is going to satisfy
my dreams

maybe i'm better
just being a spectator
of things

following reflections
on curved glass

in the reason
of my being


we were talking about
the rain
and how cold
it was going to get

then you started crying
for your daddy

we were looking over
the Christmas list
deciding what to buy
my mother

then you started hankering
for pizza

we were in
a bundle
of our own

covered in blankets
watching my favourite

when you smothered me
with your pillow
and stomped

saying you didn't even
know me

have i ever known you?

will i ever get used to
these changes
of the heart?

will i ever be able
to pinpoint
when this metamorphosis

good you
or bad you
happy you
or sad you

for my attention

if i could only 
figure out
what to give

Wednesday, November 22, 2017


it's unlikely
that you care for me
as much as i care
for you

and i'm glad

because there are
some days
that i can't whisper
your name
without crying

there are
some times
that i can't think
of you
without pining

whining the 
day away

but then
there are
some days
that you make me
yell loud enough
to break glass

there are
some times
that you make me
want to come over
and kick your ass

stomping it 
'til it's flat

i hope
that you give me
more chances
than i sometimes
give you

it's likely
and hopefully true

that you love me
more than i love you

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

not here

i'm here
but my mind's
a million miles away

it's tripping
along the sand
jumping over the cold waves
of the ocean

it's hiding
behind the tree
peering past the bright lights
of Christmas

it's looking
over the colours
falling through the brush strokes
of the paintings

natural wonders
and hidden dreams
old masterpieces
and new scenes

far away from here
grows my destiny

if only i was brave
to end

and begin again

Sunday, November 19, 2017


"i think the wind
finally stopped

it's like 45 degrees
out there

or something"

i can hear you
typing furiously

about one thing
or another

and i stop talking

and the silence
goes on and on

but i don't mind
because i'm used
to you

and the things
you do

and i know
that even though
it's quiet now

you'll be talking
a mile a minute
about something

soon as we're done
in ourselves

so far away
from each other


Wednesday, November 15, 2017

yes if no

yes if no
but then maybe

up if down
but then crazy

out if in
but then close by

off if on
but then ask why

maybe you'll find out


Tuesday, November 14, 2017

cranberry sauce

i love
the taste
of a good
cranberry sauce

i love
the memory
of the label
and the wave

i love
the sound
of escaped

when you
splooshed it
and shook it

in a cylinder
of red
in the fancy bowl

i love
the fact that
no one else
likes this
jellied mess
of originality

just me
and the ghost
of you

fork poised
for another bite



it was a wednesday
when you came
to visit

i lost my
bedside table

i lost most
of my pillows

i couldn't find
my good underwear

and everything
like bananas

didn't ask why

it was a thursday
when we had
the fight

you hid
in my office

you hid
all my socks

and nothing
could be done
without doritos

didn't ask why

it was a sunday
when you left me
at the airport

you hid
the tears in pocket

i lost
my head in clouds

and something
was said
in the silence

didn't ask what
didn't ask why


measuring up

you know
without saying

you hear
without talking

you try
without me knowing
you try

as the days
go by

i want you more
and more

but i can't get
close enough

to your perfection
to measure up

the small
in me shrinks

with every nothing
you say

Tuesday, November 7, 2017


i'm not going
to blame myself
for harsh words

if you don't get me
after all this time

then you'll never
truly understood me

i know that 
with every word
i say

destruction happens

i'm finally 
at the point where
it can't matter to me

if we can't be we
then we can't be 
each other

one to the other

when the world
is free

don't worry

in this whole scheme
of things

i never really 
was worth it


Monday, November 6, 2017

stay next to me

don't get lost
in this whirlwind
of activity

stay next to me

we've been through
the ups and downs

the black and whites
the blues and browns

all the colours of life
and how it wasn't
meant to be

stay next to me

i promise
the sun will shine us through

me and you
just as it was before

stay next to me


you are with me
and i am with you

and eternity
will bow in our favour

and whosoever
crosses the line
between us

won't be seen 

the dream between us
is too strong


Friday, November 3, 2017

no matter

a triangle
can't be round

no matter how hard
it tries

a like
can't be a love

no matter how hard
i cry

a help
can't be a cure

no matter how hard
i sigh 

a love 
can't be erased

no matter how hard
i try


your mask

you play your game
i follow behind

trying to catch up
to your creativity

you rush about
flickering in time

i try to bring in

you pause to listen
to what is right

acting like words
can change

but the mask you
wear wards off

anything that feels

fly in an instant
towards your own

i knew all along
that you'd never
follow me

your mask forgot
to show

the you i didn't know

new day

a new day
would be if we
took our coats

and cool scarves

and ran out into
the winter wind

driving a straight line
'til our stomachs told us
to stop

trying new food
drinking hot drinks

pouring out our lives
over the steam of some

you don't have to sit
next to me
to know i'm on your side

just close your eyes
and ride


Sunday, October 22, 2017

you don't know

y'all think i'm cold
looking at my daughter's body
and then turning away

you don't know me

i was asking where
she was found

i was asking when
she died

i was asking how long
it took before
she passed on

y'all are wrong to think
i wasn't thinking
of her

i was in the business of
finding out
what happened
to my baby

her body can stay
right where
it is

that's all i have left

i gotta hear
what happened
i gotta see
what happened

i gotta know
what happened
before i feel again

emotions can wait

i gotta know

for tereasa martin

Saturday, October 7, 2017

just a song at twilight

in the quiet
autumn moonlight

sit with me

the old people will point
and call it "spooning"

the young ones will whistle
and call it "scoring"

the smart ones will nod,
and call it "none of their business"

we'll call it love
(or maybe something like it)

hold my hand
warm my heart

understand me
for just a while . . .


Saturday, September 30, 2017

glares and giggles

the memory
of you
is a fog of words
and gestures

that sit and fester

and pester me
while i work

the spirit
of you
is a blur of war
and wiggles

a mess of
glares and giggles

all intermingling
in a cloud of haze

that i remember
in these dead days

just before winter


Wednesday, September 27, 2017


don't try
so hard
just let it out

don't be
so profound
just make it shout

don't look
at me
for any advice

just write
it down
don't think twice

and open
your mind's inner door

until you 
can't write anymore


painting: The Passion of Creation
by Leonid Pasternak  

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

can't explain, won't

i can't 
look at you
with any sort of fondness

i can't 
believe in you
with any bit of conviction

please don't
ask me
over and over
why it has to happen

please don't
hurt me
over and over
why is it hard to understand?

i'm tired 
of not knowing
where i stand 
in your world

i'm tired
of not saying
what i mean
to your face

i'm tired
of always lying
when was i ever
going to breathe free?

take two
small steps
backward from me

turn around 
and walk away

you're not 
getting any more

you're not 
getting any more

you're getting
a silent
from my lips

and a cool breeze
to carry you 
on your way


Sunday, September 24, 2017


all i want
is to be taken out
of the equation

nothing's ever been

nothing's ever been
good enough

nothing's ever been

all i want
is to be erased
from the sentence

nothing's ever been

nothing's ever been
strong enough

nothing's ever been

with all the real
i thought i was

the steps i walked
will fill in again



Saturday, September 23, 2017


i don't want to
hear you out

you never heard me

i don't want to
let you talk

you never listened to me

i don't want your poison
to entwine in the heart of me

to stop and let go of me

to slowly get rid of me
until there's nothing left

except for your pride

and what's left
of my soul

too bold?
then stop


Friday, September 15, 2017

secret drawing

i saw your secret 

of a darkness
you never show

i read the words
and kept the image

deep within my mind

and even though
i can't say to you

what i know i saw

i will keep reaching out
to you 

in hand and dwelling
in words and spelling
in hope and dispelling

telling you over
and over again

that you are good

did you get the darkness
from me?

how can it be?

i always thought
i kept it secret

from you


Friday, September 8, 2017


you want
too many words
from me

you think
i can talk
the same language
as you

you romanticize
everything i say

even if it's just
"hello, sweatheart!"

or "i picked up
some chips from
the store.. want one?"

or "do you want this
shirt, because if you don't,
i'm going to throw it away

it may or may not
be your favourite

it may or may not be
really soft

because i know you
like soft things

(as if anyone really
talks like this

to anyone else

but you)



never gonna get
what i want from you

never gonna get
what i am to you

all i get
are words
about you

all about you
and not me

never gonna try
to understand you

never gonna try
to demand from you

anything that
my heart wants
from you

never gonna get it

don't stay
just go