remind

remind me again

what to wear on my sleeve 

besides my heart 

teach me again 

how to nod and smile outside 

while my insides fall apart 

i. keep. forgetting.

what i have to be

in order to cope

with what i can see

balled up fists

in hidden pockets

should do the trick

there's no one 

more sick of me 

than me

(be)

covert wedding poem

rehearsing

and nursing the part

the part that comes

from the heart

there's so much 

i want to say

to prove this is right

to show what is real

to learn from it all

what was 

supposed to happen 

happens now

may the child within you

grow

may the sadness within me

die

may we both learn 

to hope

no matter what happens 

around us

surround us with peace

and love

please

that's all i think we need

today, anyway

(betray)

cynical wedding poem

in the world of

supposed-to-haves

and could-have-beens

we stand in repose

to the point of dozing

waiting to say our lines

do we mean it this time?

do we feel the weight

of the words?

do we understand 

what we stand here saying?

and does it all matter

anyway

(nay)

empathy

we just

took a step together

why did you have to 

tear it apart

we just

said the word forever

why did you have to

break my heart?

if i just keep busy

and hide from my coworkers

the mother

the poet

the teenagers

then i'll be ok

my bright blues 

won't be blurred

by the serious browns 

watching me

no matter what they see

(hide)

retracings

 she cared so much

for you

eloquent words from

years of pain

i read them again and again

torturing myself

i suppose

after all, i'm different

or so i'd like to think

don't dive into the drink

too many times, poet

you're all the same to me

(redundance)

24/7

no chance to silence

myself

no chance to walk away

and calm myself

always on

always pleasing

always being the one ideal

(it isn't ideal)

precipice

things seem more sincere

when it's the last time

you're going to do them

loving touches in

routine duties

memorable lines in

rote conversations

makes meaning

in the madness

if i could pause

each time i talk 

to someone today

just to say

thank you thank you thank you

for sharing your health

and energy

and point of view

i would

but talk becomes tedious

when preparing for the end

(and it will be the end of something)

takes the will away

the will that says

thank you thank you thank you 

for these moments 

of usefullness 

however fleeting

and lead me to the grey

gently, please

no longer me but even still free

in the back of my eyes

(wise)