update

past months it's been hard
to put pencil to paper

(much less cursor to screen)

sometimes the pressure
makes silent screams
happen

and i used to be able
to let it out in words
and syllables

but the world makes me
weary now

and all i seem to do is
scroll and scan

snort and smile
snot and cry

live and let live

does this mean i'm
getting wiser to the
game?

or does it mean the
insane has run off

to other places?

step by step i
climb up to
the fresh air

but the desert sand
hazes the way

blinding and numbing
all i see and feel

nothing's real
anymore

(tore)

untitled

i've been meaning
to tell you

i've been meaning
to say

but i don't want
to burden you

with the feelings
at play

i want to be heavy
and ask for your heart

i want to be needy
and ask when we'll start

i want to know from you
what keeps us apart

but things keep getting
in the way

the world
the crime
the sickness
the dime

the time never is right
for us

is the push to-gether
to weather every obstacle

worth all that's possible
to make us us?

i wonder

(see)

sorrow

sorrow

(or "trying to write normal in a how to write your stress away class")

sorrow makes everything

look dull and dusty

it smells like rain that

was not needed (or wanted)

it tastes like a large pill

that never dissolves

it sounds like a buoy swaying 

needlessly warning

it feels like old corduroy 

on a very hot day

when sorrow takes over

i can't see the sun

(much less the trees)

it's the hole i've dug 

deepest

in the land of my emotions

no potion can take me

away from the blue

(true)

reality

i'm in a spot
where

there's nothing
i can control

nothing
i can predict

nothing
i can do
but try
to be me

and even if
you walk away

at least i have
the sanity

of knowing
my reality

before the dream
ends

(be)

blue jean woes

man, my jeans have lint
all over them

i swear i washed them
just a-while ago

why does this happen to me?

zoom meeting in an hour
and even though i know
no one can see my
pants

i see them
out of the corner
of my eye

and they remind me
that i have the world
totally covered

even though i don't

oh well
i'll just turn off
my camera

display my
curious george
profile picture

and hope for the best

it's about all
you can do
these days

(hide)

away

i have tried to be
over clouds and under sun
always on the run

i was once a bank
full of proper full of piss
very little bliss

now i float outside
far away from dark of night
closer to the light

somewhere

things still grows
outside

they say

trees still knows
what is good

and gracefully 
they sway

inside i trip
over my own shadow
inside i breathe in
what i can't swallow
inside i'm trapped
by my own desires

the fire still burns
outside somewhere

they say

but only God knows where

(there)