30 - unexpected cold

does

the unexpected cold

know 

how alone it makes 

me feel?

does

the inescapable chill

know 

how much it makes

me ache?

i look out

to the east

whispering your name

like a promise

from my lips

hugging 

the memory of

what you were

to my heart

willing your

presence to me

i know you're busy

with your life

for this season

i know i'm busy

with my struggle

for a reason

but i can't help

longing for the sight

of you

i can't help

wishing for a night 

with you

i look out 

to the east

whispering your name

and the sun rises again

(soon)

29 -- while supplies last

you'll have to
deal with me
for just a-while longer

i'm not finished yet

i want to make sure
you're free from harm

but you have
to let me
do my job

i can't have you
kicking and screaming
when you know
i'm on my way

i can't have you
fighting off sleep
as if you were
fighting the demons
inside of you

one day you will be free

but for now
i'm here
for a limited time only

you'll be glad
i stayed nearby

but you won't know it
until i'm long gone

i'm here
to give you
the peace you deserve

if you just hold on
and let me be

(breathe)

soundcloud version here: https://soundcloud.com/jamison99/while-supplies-last

28-- memory

i've never held a hand
like i did
when i held your hand
that day

and i never kissed a man
like i did
when i kissed your lips
that way

and even though
my memory blurs
when i think back
on us

i still remember
the warmth of you
as it took over
the coldness of me

conquering what
was left of
my sadness

and finally
setting me free

(hold)

27- labels

please don't call me
brave
in all of this

inside i tremble
and shake

please don't call me
good
with all of this

i curse
and rue the days

there will be a time
of calm and
beauty

where worry and
fear will be
a thing of the past

but some days
i can't see
the wiseness
in those words

sometimes
i can't see
the blueness of the sky
through all the clouds

sometimes
i can't be
who you all
want me to be

survivor
warrior
hero
soldier

all of these
are words
that put me
in a porcelain cage

far from
the reality of me

(done)

26- darkest lament

drowsy
was you and
sleepy
was i

we tried to
deny
the tired
inside

wishing that
slumber
wouldn't
separate us

from the
closeness
that we
found

in the night
of a thousand
thoughts

but not enough
time
to dream

(hold)

25- sweet counsel

sometimes

when the skies are 

too bright

i come to you

and hide

from the sun

cradled close

i can hear 

your heart's voice

in my ear

reassuring me

of the love

that's there

and as i close

my eyes in

submission

all the 

transgressions

that held me down

fall away

in the sweet counsel

of your embrace

reminding me

over and over 

again

that i matter

to at least one

no matter 

what is said

i feel no dread

in the warmth of

your arms

(grow)

24- liar

covering yourself
with lies
to try to look good

living your life
in the Light
just to feel good

thinking that heaven
is the ultimate prize

dealing out hell
to all you despise

one day the scars
you give to me

will be the stumbles
that you just can't believe

but by then i'll be free

(broken)