things i'm learning today

rejoice in the good

without sharing an idea

(ideas send the message

that you don't see 

the good news

as just good news

and puts pressure 

on the person 

who just wanted 

to share good news, 

for chrissakes,

so quit it already)

you shouldn't worry when

someone is stimming

(stimming is a helpful way

to cope with stress, and 

you should only stop someone

from stimming if it's harmful

to themselves or others)

don't tell a grandmother

that their grandchild needs 

to go to the restroom

(just have a mop handy)

don't worry about

what's a poem

or what isn't 

(just let it out 

all you can, 

and hope for relief 

and/or peace)

stop caring so much

(really)

hope this helps

 

how to care

ask questions

but expect no answers

be exuberant 

but never loud

listen quietly

to nothing and everything

sit in the box

and wait for it to open

at only their time

and only their schedule

you're only one cog

in what's left of their wheel

not in the wheelhouse anymore

don't make love a chore

(bore)

how to plan an exit

What do you want to do next?

You’ve got options depending on what you want:

• Improve and stay (if it's salvageable)

• Confront or clarify (if you need to push back on unfair treatment)

• Plan an exit (if it’s just not worth it anymore)

How to plan an exit

Clean your room, so there will be nothing for others to be burdened with.

Get rid of any and all emails (They really don't matter anymore).

Write one letter that tells all your feelings.

Go.

or

talk to someone

let them know what's wrong (even if it won't help)

avoid the grey

walk outside (not in front of cars)

stop

what i can do

me me me

not you, because this won't work for you

find a way to help others 

find a way to hurt without bleeding

find a way not to be passive aggressive

find a way to not fixate on yourself 

find a way out (but not permanently)

find a way to stay (because it doesn't matter anyway)

(go)

suddenly

i tell you
death comes so suddenly

 i went to change clothes
and he left

"i'm hot"
he said
"i'll get you a wet washcloth"
i said
"what's wrong?"
he never said

heart on hand
i tell you
he never went to a doctor
nothing

"i'm not believing he died"
said my doctor

the fireman asked
if he took a pill
i said 
"he hasn't a pill to his name"

he never wanted to talk about death
with me
"dad wanted to be cremated" 
my son said
"and he didn't want the preacher
involved"
i had no idea

we just had a gravesite ceremony

i was shocked
we had life insurance
and i didn't have to spend money on his funeral
but no one ever should be sure 
of anything
because he never took a pill
never had any complaints

never said anything

nothing was wrong

i never read 
until he died
and now i read all the time

i really enjoy it now

well i have to have something,
don't i?
to cut through the silence

of the days

(haze)

that's all

there comes a point

when you aren't useful

in someone's life

anymore

distance after distance

pushes all feeling away

until you await 

emotion

in this box of

empty thought

small sicknesses

long hours at work

fatigue

all become 

excuses

to prolong the silence

until there's 

nothing left 

to say 

except goodbye

thanks for all the fish

don't remember me

and

goodbye

(tried)

anti-dream

dreams 

don't mean anything

loose teeth will come out

when they want to come out

sleeping deep

is more satisfying

keep that imagery away

don't underline

the carelessness 

of your dream self

whatever you did 

was in jest

strengthen the heart

that's beside yourself

don't dream the goodness away

(stay)

why she broke up with me

well, first of all,

it's none of your business

i'm kidding

i know you're only asking 

because you care

and you've been nice to us

and stuff

so i guess i can tell you

at first

she told me not to hover so much

so i stood away

then she told me

i was too far away

so i moved closer

then she said that was too close 

and if i really knew her i'd be able

to measure just how far i was 

supposed to be from her 

at any given time

i told her 

i didn't know if i could know anyone

that good

then she cried

and turned away

and that ended it

it's stupid, huh?

after all this time of me 

walking across the street

to meet her

and walking back with her

to see her

and i never knew

i was close enough 

to the end 

of me and her

thanks for being my friend

but i can't talk about it

anymore

(lore)