nov pad 2014 6: happy now?

are you happy now?

i've thrown my coat
in the street

trying to defend myself
from the power
of your words

don't you know
that even though i talk
a big man's talk

i'm still young inside
struggling within

trying to figure out
what my place is
in this world

and even though
i threaten you

those words aren't me

i'm learning to be
what you make me

hardened and scared
all at once

waiting for the next fight
to happen

hoping to be free

(gone)

nov pad 2014 5: keep this

keep this love
deep inside

to warm you
when the outside
is cold

and when
you are sure
no one is looking

take it out
and let it
warm the world

floating
back and forth
from star to star

recharging
its luminescent feeling
of hopefulness

before taking
it back

and walking
in secret again

keep it within
and think of me

soon i will be there

(soon)

meaning

the meaning

the meaning

of my poems

is clear to me 

in mind

but

it's often different

from what

the reader

takes to heart

as it should be

(truth)

nov pad 2014 4: not the hero

you say

i'm a hero

for what i've gone through

i say

i need saving

from the hell inside

you say

i'm brave

for facing it all

i say 

i'm scared

most every day

you see

a warrior

who stands tall in the sun

i am

a sentinel

watching the rain come in

you may think 

i'm strong

but i'm not

(hide)

november pad 2014 3- blanket statement

your love
is like a blanket

that covers me entirely

protecting me from
the monsters that come

deep in the night

a comforter made
of many layers

deftly laid over me

warming the
shadows of my heart

as i dream my fears away

(close)

november pad 2014 2

the quieter we became
the more i heard

as we waited, i felt
what you were feeling
inside

and dwelled upon the depth
of your breathing

the slower we became
the more i saw

as we walked, i felt
the weariness in each
step

and lingered over the labour
of your being

learning how
to forget
what was me

coming back
to remember
what was us

and what begins again

(learn)

november pad 2014 1

singularly thinking
about what we do
to-gether

nightly dreaming
about the days we share
as one

sad for the
misses

glad for the
kisses

but sometimes
the miles
are a buffer

much needed

while i figure out
how
to get away

from the hell
i live in
day to day

(pause)