i worry

i worry
that the quiet
i want to have with you
is at odds
with the loud
you want to have with me

i worry
that the things
i want you to say
will put pressure on
the things you already say

causing you to say
nothing at all

i worry
that all the things
i want to do for you
won't get done
in enough time
for you to realize

what you mean to me

i worry
even though you smile
and say
"Don't worry."

i've been so wrong before

convince me
that the worry i feel
is nothing more

than my own imagination

(show)

my other life

in my other life
i can do anything
i want to do

i can speak to anyone
and understand them

i can learn from everyone
and remember the lessons

i can bring hope to the heartless
love to the lonely
and a smile on the face
of the hungriest soul

in my other life
i can be
whoever i want to be

but i'll never be good enough for you

one day
i will learn
that pleasing you
is impossible

one day
i will learn
i'm not the one
who can save you

the day i realize
that you're not worth
the trying

will be the day
that my other life
begins

but not to-day

(no)

her pen

mightier than the sword, i am
strength passed from hand to hand

coveted by old school writers
loved by wandering poets

she seeks me out
in troubled times

to scribble madly
across the page

looking for a meaning
to all the madness

looking for a reason
for all the sorrow

spilling my ink
along with her tears

day after day
in sun so bright

night after night
in her hunt for the moon

and all the sensibility it brings

(write)

hardships

letter to letter
phone call to
phone call

flickering images
night after night

trying to keep close

emails that talk about
past endearments
songs sent back and forth
trying to trigger memories

trying to keep it real

love spread thin
between far cities
waiting for the recharge
of reconnection

trying to keep it alive

knowing that
what we hold inside
is worth all the hardships
we see

trying so hard in trying times

....to keep love free

(hold)

gathering goodbyes

i'm going to store up
all the goodbyes
that we say to each other

and hold their lessons within

the happy goodbyes
with giggles
and promises of another day

the sad goodbyes
with tears
and pleas for one more chance

the sudden goodbyes
that squeeze
all the joy from my heart

the long goodbyes
that comfort
all the fears from my mind

i'm going to gather up
all the goodbyes
that we said to each other

and draw their strength within

.....and wait for love again.....

(grow)

conceal

you can't
understand
what i feel inside

no matter how much
i explain

you won't
listen
to what matters to me

no matter how much
i cry

so i'm hiding my heart
for another day

i'm keeping my feelings
inside

until the day
i can find someone
to listen to me

until i can find
someone who'll try

i only hope
i can find the way
back to my heart

when the right one goes walking by

(hide)

blank sheet

sometimes
the hardest challenge
in my life

is a blank sheet
of paper

with nothing to guide

but the will
to let go what's within
is stronger than
anything outside

and again i write

making sense
out of the nonsense
that fills my days

making hope
out of the troubles
that bleed through

restoring and
renewing what's
within

pushing  darkness
out

until the sun comes again
(true)