you don't know

y'all think i'm cold
looking at my daughter's body
and then turning away

you don't know me

i was asking where
she was found

i was asking when
she died

i was asking how long
it took before
she passed on

y'all are wrong to think
i wasn't thinking
of her

i was in the business of
finding out
what happened
to my baby

her body can stay
right where
it is

that's all i have left

i gotta hear
what happened
i gotta see
what happened

i gotta know
what happened
before i feel again

emotions can wait

i gotta know


for tereasa martin

just a song at twilight

in the quiet

autumn moonlight

sit with me

the old people will point

and call it "spooning"

the young ones will whistle

and call it "scoring"

the smart ones will nod,

and call it "none of their business"

we'll call it love

(or maybe something like it)

hold my hand

warm my heart

understand me

for just a while . . .

stay

glares and giggles

the memory
of you
is a fog of words
and gestures

thoughts
that sit and fester

and pester me
while i work

the spirit
of you
is a blur of war
and wiggles

a mess of
glares and giggles

all intermingling
in a cloud of haze

that i remember
in these dead days

just before winter

(grow)

write

don't try

so hard

just let it out

don't be

so profound

just make it shout

don't look

at me

for any advice

just write

it down

don't think twice

write

and open

your mind's inner door

write

until you 

can't write anymore

just

write

painting: The Passion of Creation

by Leonid Pasternak  

can't explain, won't

 

i can't 

look at you

anymore

with any sort of fondness

i can't 

believe in you

anymore

with any bit of conviction

please don't

ask me

over and over

why it has to happen

please don't

hurt me

over and over

why is it hard to understand?

i'm tired 

of not knowing

where i stand 

in your world

i'm tired

of not saying

what i mean

to your face

i'm tired

of always lying

when was i ever

going to breathe free?

take two

small steps

backward from me

turn around 

peacefully

and walk away

you're not 

getting any more

explanations

you're not 

getting any more

closure 

you're getting

a silent

no

from my lips

and a cool breeze

to carry you 

on your way

home

9/26/2010

erase

sometimes
all i want
is to be taken out
of the equation

nothing's ever been
equal

nothing's ever been
good enough

nothing's ever been
right

sometimes
all i want
is to be erased
from the sentence

nothing's ever been
easy

nothing's ever been
strong enough

nothing's ever been
true

away
with all the real
i thought i was

the steps i walked
will fill in again

quickly

(free)

bite

i don't want to
hear you out

you never heard me

i don't want to
let you talk

you never listened to me

i don't want your poison
to entwine in the heart of me

to stop and let go of me

to slowly get rid of me
until there's nothing left
inside

except for your pride

and what's left
of my soul

too bold?
then stop

(go)