the silence

the silence
that surrounds me now
pierces into
my heart

and my very soul

the path
i once walked upon
so assuredly

is forever changed

what now
is normal?
what now
is good?

what life
is calling?

i do not know

nothing
is heard

nothing
but the blinding
screams

of silence

(gone)

silence

how tired you must be

of the clouds that move

across her face

when you barely whisper her name

how patient you must be

to endure the wary looks 

she gives you

when you gently take her hand

the beauty 

inside

must be worth the darkness

outside

or you wouldn't be so near

what does she fear?

why does 

silence

follow her every step?

is she 

really worth

the mystery

or should buried treasures

remain 

underground?

here

i wish you were here
next to me

looking at your phone
ignoring me

eating my chips
and hiding my pillow

whispering your wants
and yelling your troubles

i wish you were here
next to me

even if all i see
is a scowl

here and now
i'll know you love me

as long as
i bring the doritos

(here)

near

you went
so slow
and you aimed
so true

that i'm amazed
that you're
already
so close to my heart

i have no
defenses
because i don't need them

i haven't
built walls
because i don't want them

the only thing
between you and i
is this overwhelming urge

to never let go

you near me
me following you

we being we

deep in
our own wilderness
of dreams

(near)

walk away

can't turn the page
without you being
on the other side

can't turn my head
without your shadow
passing me by

can't think i'm free
without your step
being misheard

can't think i'm me
without your hand
crossing out each word

you make me regret
every chance i ever took

take one last look
i beg of you

then walk away

(now)

the rest of alone

you used to whisper
in my ear
constantly

about all you saw
or heard

you used to listen
to me
patiently

whenever i spoke
a word

i didn't think i'd miss
the sound of life

in all its giggles
and wheezes

i didn't think i'd sit
and cry

at the memory
of your sneezes

how can someone
so vital and pure

be gone like the end
of a whisper

why can't the fates
bring you back again

to keep me warm
on the nights i shiver

searching for the best
of home

waiting for the rest
of alone

i'm out of my depth

in the chill
of open places
surrounded by
unknown faces

i stand alone

emo goth in
shades of red
i can feel so
better off dead
my life on loan

must it all be
wrath and kaos?
must i be so
full of pathos
in thought and deed?

it's better to be
in constant feeling
than live life
without meaning

this is my only creed

just a little while

it will only be
for just a little while

don't worry

there's another boat
for the daddies

this one is for you
and mommy

please let go

i know, dear

i've held you
so close
for almost all
of your seven years

you barely 
touched the floor

i was always
picking you up
to dance
and hug
and look at things
to-gether

you were always
so small

all right,
big girl
let me pick you up
one last time
before you go into the boat

be a good girl

do you see the stars?
yes, in the sky

so many of them
are falling
to-night

see them?
one .... two.... three....

keep counting
keep watching

keep looking up

(dear, take her
hold her close
keep her warm
i know you will, darling)

four ....
five ....

goodbye, sweet girl
for just a little whole

i love you

six ....
seven .....

keep looking up,
baby girl

goodbye

intelligence

i always check
"intelligence"

when a quiz asks for
what i want in
a man

and that's my 
downfall

because all the smart men
i know

either lord their brain cells
over me

trying to teach me

or silently criticize
what i'm saying

almost before i say it

once i make a mistake
i want to learn my lesson

then never think about it
again

not have this walking
tape recorder

spool out every error
i've done

just to remind me
that i'm dumb

just to prove the point
that they always have

just to bring down
the best part of me

(the part they saw
as fascinating
not so long ago)

(end)

http://www.writersdigest.com/whats-new/2018-april-pad-challenge-day-5

lament

you wouldn't expect me

to marry 

a normal girl

an average woman

of the world

you'd know i had to

touch the stratosphere

to know i'm nearer

to love

and even though she's 

gone and grey

and the hazy days

have come

i know no one can 

take away that girl

that extraordinary girl

i knew

and loved

(no)

case study

i feel your eyes
travel up and down
me

all around me

trying to figure out
the next word

i see your hands
orbit the way
from me

in between us

looking for a
place to land

i know your thoughts
don't meet the sight
of me

floating over me

hoping for a pause
to understand

i'm a dossier
of deliverance
in your hands

a case study
of chaos
in your heart

almost on the brink
of good

(know)

http://www.writersdigest.com/whats-new/2018-april-pad-challenge-day-4

stop

stop all the nervousness
push away the fear

turn it to excitement
for whatever is near

channel all the downs
that refuse to end

think about good days
so soon to begin

stop all the tension
and just go.....

you'll know what to do next

http://www.writersdigest.com/whats-new/2018-april-pad-challenge-day-3

portraits in sand

temporary smiles
on open faces

bathed on orange

one with hair
every which way

one with hair
controlled and smooth

one who pleases
at a moment's notice

one who never lies

holding hands against a world
of their own making

evading reality just one
last time

before the grind starts 
again

http://www.writersdigest.com/whats-new/2018-april-pad-challenge-day-2

secret whispers

secret whispers
behind a tree

discreet hand
reaching for me

hopeful glance
around my heart

covered tears
when we part

it's hard hiding
the mystery of you

when the reality is
too good to be true

(psst)

http://www.writersdigest.com/whats-new/2018-april-pad-challenge-day-1

doubts

can a flower
that's been stepped on
repeatedly

still smell so
sweetly
time and again?

can a vine
that's been cut off
from rooting

still reach out
and bloom
from above?

where is the love
when the grey
comes in?

it blocks the sun
when the day
won't begin

why does this happen
time and again?

doubt crawls free
from underneath
me

it seizes me in
the darkness

holding me apart
from all of this

pain and
what it is

used to be bliss
just two seconds ago

what do i know
about love?

(nothing)

winter's phone call

it's snowing right now
i had to salt my steps
just awhile ago

it's falling silent
across my path

anyway
i was just calling
to see how you were

was your day all right?
did anything good
happen to you
to-day?

you know
what you say
and what you remember
from your day

is the warmth
that makes me forget
the cold
outside

what a ride
it's been
with you

over the hills
and valleys
of what once was

and what could be
again

anyway
i just called
to see how you were

and stuff

(us)

wrinkled

don't forget
as you turn out
the light

to hide your
feelings from
his sight

don't wrinkle
the bed with
tears and toil

it'll spoil the romance
of to-morrow

_and the rest_
_of your days_

(away)

night calls

stop-start
go-stop sentences
then apologies
in the night

"i'm sorry, you go on. it's just that-"

"I know. You knew where I was going
with that-

Go on and on and on....."

and i go on, giggling
and half stumbling through

the importance of yesterday
against the feeling
of to-day

in and out of
in-jokes and
outbursts

weaving a sense of
familiarity

that relaxes the soul
and drives away
what the day did to me

and you

do you remember
the last time i leaned
on your shoulder

it felt like i was flying
in my mind

flapping wings
in tune with
the heartbeat
below me

searching for the sun

(one)

without you

it wasn't
what it was

without you

it couldn't be
what it could be

without you

when you trace around
the very start of me

with what's left of you

don't forget to fill in
the very heart of me

with what's alive in you

it's all been true

there's nothing
i'd want to be

without you

duality of man

if you get reminded
about what he really thinks
every time you're online

and it isn't the way
he talks to you
when his voice is full of whine

you have to choose
if you're going to stay
with the person who he shows

or if you should part
with the person
whose face you do not know

can we really love someone
a hundred percent

when we're not even sure
of the one that we've met?

(ask)

i guess

you snore
but i don't mind
i guess

at least you're alive

and your hair
tickles
when you lie on me
but that's ok

at least you smell good

and every now and then
you call my name
and kick
every so softly
at my legs

which begs to wonder
just what
are you dreaming
about

at least you're calling my name

you're a mess
but you're my mess

i guess
that's good

(love)

the real me

i long for the time
when you can see

the real me

without me
overthinking
without me
undertaking

just me
living and breathing
me

talking to you

eye to eye
heart to heart
loud to loud
smart to smart

hiding nothing
but the fear

that it's all been a dream

i wish i could be
the one you seem
to love

(live)

i could stumble

i could stumble
from your life
and not leave a trace
of the leaving

i could crawl
from the warmth
of your bed
and not leave a wrinkle
on the sheets

you'd get by
on the strength i knew

you'd live by
the creed that i heard

over and over again
in your whispers

time and time again
in your screams

i could stumble
to be free

but just watch me
stay

just watch me

(be)

blur

it's never
like the books

it's never
like the poems

it's just you
and he

trying to survive
each other

and he
and you

trying to understand
each other

through the mists
of yourselves

(blur)

like you do

all i have
is memories inside

it's been a ride
and a half
to your heart

and when
we part

i stuff all the passion
back inside

until the next ride

sour times
between the summer
and you

hard times
between the winter
and you

i try to blind myself
from the pleasures
around

why try to pursue?

no one loves me
like you

half conversations

it's gotten
to the point
to where i
foolishly

have told you everything

and i say anything
to get it all out

rushing in between
your breaths
and wheezes
and ums and errs

trying to weave
the last bit of story
into the fray

before i forget it

then i wait

dramatically pausing
the deluge

hoping for some
vindication
or
supplication

or what have you

and all you can do
is exhale
and say

well.... there it is

and sometimes
that's all
that can be said

it never feels
like enough

but it
becomes
enough

in hindsight

wise is the one
who lets it all fall
around him

and doesn't flinch
until it's done

(begun)

the die

sometimes
i want to
smash the glass
break the bowl

hurdle the plates
against the wall

watch them fall
in a million pieces

slide down
to a crumple

and cry

you wouldn't
understand
the satisfaction

of the die

and i'm much
too tired to
explain

again

soft focus

you walk
sideways
from me

trying to figure me out

you talk
backwards
at me

trying to understand

what you don't get
in your reverie
is what i want
in your eventuality

don't try too hard
to see me

i'm better in soft focus

blur the lines
and draw in free

(be)

don't talk

don't talk about

your dreams

don't talk about

your love

don't talk about 

your dealings

or the moon

above

don't talk about

your future

don't talk about

your past

don't talk about

your feelings

and things that

will not last

don't talk about

your problems

don't talk about

your doom

don't talk about

your peelings

or the things 

in your room

don't talk to me

about you

don't talk to you

about me

just don't talk

and you'll see

just how much 

you mean

to me

in the silence 

i allow you 

to be

keep driving

maybe all i wanted
was a light version
of you

without your
complications
and stresses

without your
constrictions
and messes

just a straight up
get along girl
trailing behind me

you're leading me
to an early death

but i guess
with your driving

that could take
a year or two

(please yield)

prove to me

sneak in
a little insanity
when we talk

hide behind
every tree we pass
when we walk

point out
all the colours
that you see

prove to me
that i can't be
at all

without you

and maybe
i'll let you in

you lose
when you blend

(try)