glares and giggles

the memory
of you
is a fog of words
and gestures

thoughts
that sit and fester

and pester me
while i work

the spirit
of you
is a blur of war
and wiggles

a mess of
glares and giggles

all intermingling
in a cloud of haze

that i remember
in these dead days

just before winter

(grow)

write

don't try

so hard

just let it out

don't be

so profound

just make it shout

don't look

at me

for any advice

just write

it down

don't think twice

write

and open

your mind's inner door

write

until you 

can't write anymore

just

write

painting: The Passion of Creation

by Leonid Pasternak  

can't explain, won't

 

i can't 

look at you

anymore

with any sort of fondness

i can't 

believe in you

anymore

with any bit of conviction

please don't

ask me

over and over

why it has to happen

please don't

hurt me

over and over

why is it hard to understand?

i'm tired 

of not knowing

where i stand 

in your world

i'm tired

of not saying

what i mean

to your face

i'm tired

of always lying

when was i ever

going to breathe free?

take two

small steps

backward from me

turn around 

peacefully

and walk away

you're not 

getting any more

explanations

you're not 

getting any more

closure 

you're getting

a silent

no

from my lips

and a cool breeze

to carry you 

on your way

home

9/26/2010

erase

sometimes
all i want
is to be taken out
of the equation

nothing's ever been
equal

nothing's ever been
good enough

nothing's ever been
right

sometimes
all i want
is to be erased
from the sentence

nothing's ever been
easy

nothing's ever been
strong enough

nothing's ever been
true

away
with all the real
i thought i was

the steps i walked
will fill in again

quickly

(free)

bite

i don't want to
hear you out

you never heard me

i don't want to
let you talk

you never listened to me

i don't want your poison
to entwine in the heart of me

to stop and let go of me

to slowly get rid of me
until there's nothing left
inside

except for your pride

and what's left
of my soul

too bold?
then stop

(go)

secret drawing

i saw your secret 

drawing

of a darkness

you never show

i read the words

and kept the image

deep within my mind

and even though

i can't say to you

what i know i saw

i will keep reaching out

to you 

in hand and dwelling

in words and spelling

in hope and dispelling

telling you over

and over again

that you are good

did you get the darkness

from me?

how can it be?

i always thought

i kept it secret

from you

(true)

words

you want
too many words
from me

you think
i can talk
the same language
as you

you romanticize
everything i say

even if it's just
"hello, sweatheart!"

or "i picked up
some chips from
the store.. want one?"

or "do you want this
shirt, because if you don't,
i'm going to throw it away

it may or may not
be your favourite
colour

it may or may not be
really soft

because i know you
like soft things

(as if anyone really
talks like this

to anyone else

but you)

(true)

never

never gonna get
what i want from you

never gonna get
what i am to you

all i get
are words
about you

all about you
and not me

never gonna try
to understand you

never gonna try
to demand from you

anything that
my heart wants
from you

never gonna get it
anyway

don't stay
just go

(know)

reasons to stay

you stomp

too loud

and you toss your hair

too much

and the clothes

that wear you

wear me out

but i try

to understand

and i live with

what you are

i don't know why

but there's excitement

where you are

and i want to live it

again

before the sun

goes down

(stay)

no more sorrow

let the familiar songs
fill the room

she's sad again

let the bygone tunes
cover all the pain

it's a long night ahead
and no one wants to think
about to-morrow

no more sorrow
no more sorrow

the smallest thing

it's funny how
the smallest thing
that's said

changes all
you see and
do and feel
about someone

no matter how
silly
he says you are

no matter how
stupid
you think you are

no matter how much
you want to ignore
the instinct

to let it all go

you know
what to do

even in
your darkest pain

walk away
and grow

or stay
in the darkness
of what was

and never will be

(flee)

night whispers

you worshipped me
with every word

traced my soul
with every fingertip
on my back

breathed in
my spirit
as you nuzzled
my neck

and whispered
over and over
again

how much
you loved me

how soon
i'd leave you

how long
you'd keep me

in your memory

and darkness
would drift
in between the
cracks in your
murmurs

seamlessly

will the night
ever be
so calm again?

(end)