difficult

you can scramble
all my words
to fit your will

you can block
all my feelings
except the ones you want
to manipulate

you can be
so difficult
when love is so easy to see

why do you
torture me
with each half-thought
you say?

isn't there any way
i can stay in your heart

without fighting
the whole night through?

the drama in you
is not worth
the comedy you bring

when the sun shines again

(stop)

folly

sometimes i forget
there were days
where we didn't have to
explain

just live

and sometimes i forget
there were times
where we didn't have to
describe

just give

the carefree times
at the beginning
when we were just learning
our names

has become
the cautious times
in the middle
where we begin playing
our roles

in
self defense
instead of
self sacrifice

over and
over again

in a play that
only ends

when hearts give up their folly

(ago)

open

sometimes
slicing yourself open
for the sake of love

only brings you pain

(ago)

abysmal

please don't
reach across
to me anymore

please don't
raise your voice
so quickly

all the things
that you rant
are unknown to me

all the things
that you scream
should be unsaid

you confuse me
with syllables
so shrilly spoken

vowing time
and time again

to keep a connection
that doesn't matter anymore

trace your steps
back
away from my hell

and find your heaven 
in the depths
of the smoke
that used to be your dreams

(leave)

writings

writing for me
is a mixture of
coffee, and pastry

old books to read
and new magazines
to scan

music in the ears
and videos to dance
before my eyes

a window
to throw shadows
between the sun rays
that keep me warm
on the outside

and a pencil and paper
to catch thoughts
between the babblings
that keep me alive
on the inside

searching hard
for the next set of
phrases

that will set me free

and teach me about
the mess
that is me

(learn)

it's simple

it's simple

i cared
more than i should have

i wanted
more than i deserved

i loved
more than you needed

i cared
more than you knew

more than i ever showed

(gone)

stood up

didn't know
where i stood
so i waited there

half-heartedly

waiting for the truth
to set me free

waiting endlessly

pull me closer
to your heart
push me away
from all truth

and make me see

why i stand for it
so long

just what do you mean to me?

(know)

unanswered

sitting in the darkness
avoiding questions

selective answers
unknown reasons

why does it have to be
so hard to say
when the truth
is only a moment away?

she's more like me
than i want to know

she's lost more of you
than you want to show

why does the truth seem
so hard to say

and do i really want to know it anyway?


(no)

for cec

thoughts on you
even though
i can't do anything

mind's on you
even though
no one minds me

wish i could heal
wish i could help
wish i could feel
wish i could find
some way
to ease the pain

even though
life's a series
of hells
waiting to be born

you've suffered enough
valleys
for all of us

may the sun shine
for you
no matter where you are

may your heart beat free again

(soon)

quiet wonderments

i thought i could write you
with words and phrases
all neatly rhyming
in boxy stanzas

but the journey you took me
defied all the rules
curving and slanting
all over the page

how could someone
so orderly
teach me how to be free?

what part of me
speaks
to the sanity that's you?

anew
with a strength of
ten thousand voices

whispering soliloquies
again and again

into the starless night

(grow)

whispered dawn

a whisper
in the morning
to start my day

a question
at dawning
to begin our play

a moment
from the future
in a page of the past

a hope
from a heart
i have felt at last

(alive)

plea

my mind
sketches a memory
of what you were

and i tear up
thinking about
what i am
now

wishing to be
the ideal
you want to see

hoping to be
the beauty
you've always wanted

willing to be
the only one
who will understand

if only you will
take my hand
and accept me

(please)

touch

the simple
unexpected touch

the quiet
unseen smiles

the old
unknown fears
all fall away

when you
cuddle close

and feel me
once more

(linger)

all at sea

tired of being
the brave one
without speaking a word
of complaint

tired of being
the sane one
without thinking a thought
of panic

tired of being
so positive
over all the negatives
that surround me

trying so hard
to see

the blue that's
too far
away from me

but just beyond the ocean shore

(go)

reality

he wants
the fun
that isn't you

he wants
the beauty
that you'll never be

let go
of your silly
girlhood dreams

your prince has
moved on,
it seems

your prince has moved on

done

don't listen
to what i have to say
to you

sweep the trouble
of my words
under the rug

pretend you don't see
the misery i live

and you won't have 
to deal with it
anymore

if you hope for
the day
where the happiness
returns

but don't
do a thing
to help it come back

then sooner or later
you'll finally see

what you meant to me

but you won't understand
'til i'm gone

(away)

wordless talk

thank you
for looking past
my oddities

all the times
i couldn't speak
in front of you

all the times
i told you everything
with just one look

all those times
you saw me
and knew me to myself

sharing
what i was inside
before i could even
say it

loving me
in a silence that spoke
millions

stay
and i'll learn
all the languages i can

to talk to the heart of you

(learn)

always there

you take away
the spark in me
with everything you say

you take away
the heart of me
with everything you do

and just when i find
a joy in me
that needs to be shared

you're always there
making sure
there is nothing there

nothing inside
to feel
nothing outside
to believe

nothing to see
but the blueness of the night

without a morning to wake up to

(gone)

a hug

a hug
should be with both arms
wholeheartedly

drawing love
towards you
in strength and sensitivity

protecting
as well as nurturing
within

making the darkest
of days
shine a light again

(hold)

return

this half of me
so quiet and alone
seeks out the part of you
that won't let go

this side of me
that i've never known
looks forward to the calm
only you can show

come know me again
and lead me back
to you

(grow)

constant companion

just a stone's throw
from where i was

just a moment away
from where i am

just a watchful distance
from where i travel

just a shadowy presence
from where i'll be

constant companion
of heart and mind

where will we go next?

(soon)

whisper

whisper
who you were
and i'll tell you
who i am

let words
become strands
in a tapestry
that covers us

protecting us
from the storms
that come tumbling
down

trying to surround us
with the darkness
we turn away from

come closer
and let me hear
all you want to say

from beginning
to the end

lover to friend
and back again

in tangled murmurs of love

(yes)

and so it ends

and so it ends
as quickly as it begins

and so it stops
before dawn

whispered words
lead to harsh tones

vague hopes
lead to strong certainty

nothing's right
anymore

and the sun rises
to a storm

(gone)