let go grow

there's got
to be
one person
you can just
let go with

giggle madly with
scream the lyrics with

someone who
remembers
the dialogue to
that long forgotten scene

where the lovers
dreamed
in chocolate covered
whispers

fueled by red bull
and fire

and undiscovered love

(grow)

thin ice

when i
have to
talk to you

i find myself
walking on thin ice

measuring
each word i say
three years
before i say it

looking ahead
for any
pitfall in phrasing
before i think it

stepping out
inch by inch
with only my wits
to guide me

wishing i didn't have
to try at all

knowing no matter
what i say

i fall

(alone)

true love

stay positive

that's the way
i like you

stay happy

that's the way
you should be

don't show me
your anger

don't show me
your pain

don't share the
frustrations
that come into your life

i'm not here for that

just show me the smile
i thought you always had
on your face

be normal
for once in your life

and i'll always
try
to be there for you

until
you start crying again

(until)

explanations

she's my country
she's my state

in confusion
i turn to her
and she sets me straight

i don't expect you
to understand
just how close she is

just know she is

she's my night

she's my day

in pain

i turn to her

and she takes it all away

i don't expect you

to accept

the power she has over me

she uses me

....but i use her right back

in that crazy give-and-take
that's supposed to be love

or so i've been told

(lives)

pleads

leave
but return

breathe
but don't forget me

go
but think of me

every now and then

the road
leads back
(even if it is uphill)

walk away
but remember
that i stayed

and please come back soon

(return)

thankful

i could be corny

and say

i was thankful for you

on this day

but the stuffing

is getting stale

and the corn

is getting mushy

and the cranberry sauce

still needs to be

smacked

out of the can

.

hardly any time at all

to say

what you mean to me

without the cliches

you know how i feel

anyway

so let me kiss

the last bit

of whipped cream

from your lips

whisper a quick

i love you

in the pumpkin filled air

around us

and look into

the eyes

that have opened

my heart

to better things

did we wait

for each other

for so long?

it hardly seems

like a day

(grow)

.

ending blessing

may the last thing
i see
be your smiling face
before me

encouraging and
comforting me
all at once

guiding me
when i didn't know
my way

to you
to me

to us

filling my soul
with the strength
it needs

to stand alone

before you turn

and walk back home

(go)

three steps

even though
you are
three steps ahead of me

even though
you are
years smarter than me

i think
i impress you
with the way that i talk

i think
i delight you
in the way that i say

that there isn't a moment
or hour
or day

that i don't think of you
and smile

and know of you
as love

(live)

hold close

i'm tired of being
the freak
in my world

i want to go back
to the sanity
of your world

the world where
i talked and
someone understood

the world where
i reached out and
someone pulled me in

the world where
i was cherished
hoped for and protected
without becoming
a fallacy

the world where
i was wanted
just for being me

lead me back
into your embrace
within the warmth
of your heart

and cradle me
with your love
forever
(hug)

different

you write
i read

you think
i see

you love
i need

you hope
i view

you wish
i knew

you dream
i do

alive in our differences
dead to all others

bound by the reality
that's true

me and you
against it all

starting the world anew

(us)

i worry

i worry
that the quiet
i want to have with you
is at odds
with the loud
you want to have with me

i worry
that the things
i want you to say
will put pressure on
the things you already say

causing you to say
nothing at all

i worry
that all the things
i want to do for you
won't get done
in enough time
for you to realize

what you mean to me

i worry
even though you smile
and say
"Don't worry."

i've been so wrong before

convince me
that the worry i feel
is nothing more

than my own imagination

(show)

my other life

in my other life
i can do anything
i want to do

i can speak to anyone
and understand them

i can learn from everyone
and remember the lessons

i can bring hope to the heartless
love to the lonely
and a smile on the face
of the hungriest soul

in my other life
i can be
whoever i want to be

but i'll never be good enough for you

one day
i will learn
that pleasing you
is impossible

one day
i will learn
i'm not the one
who can save you

the day i realize
that you're not worth
the trying

will be the day
that my other life
begins

but not to-day

(no)

her pen

mightier than the sword, i am
strength passed from hand to hand

coveted by old school writers
loved by wandering poets

she seeks me out
in troubled times

to scribble madly
across the page

looking for a meaning
to all the madness

looking for a reason
for all the sorrow

spilling my ink
along with her tears

day after day
in sun so bright

night after night
in her hunt for the moon

and all the sensibility it brings

(write)

hardships

letter to letter
phone call to
phone call

flickering images
night after night

trying to keep close

emails that talk about
past endearments
songs sent back and forth
trying to trigger memories

trying to keep it real

love spread thin
between far cities
waiting for the recharge
of reconnection

trying to keep it alive

knowing that
what we hold inside
is worth all the hardships
we see

trying so hard in trying times

....to keep love free

(hold)

gathering goodbyes

i'm going to store up
all the goodbyes
that we say to each other

and hold their lessons within

the happy goodbyes
with giggles
and promises of another day

the sad goodbyes
with tears
and pleas for one more chance

the sudden goodbyes
that squeeze
all the joy from my heart

the long goodbyes
that comfort
all the fears from my mind

i'm going to gather up
all the goodbyes
that we said to each other

and draw their strength within

.....and wait for love again.....

(grow)

conceal

you can't
understand
what i feel inside

no matter how much
i explain

you won't
listen
to what matters to me

no matter how much
i cry

so i'm hiding my heart
for another day

i'm keeping my feelings
inside

until the day
i can find someone
to listen to me

until i can find
someone who'll try

i only hope
i can find the way
back to my heart

when the right one goes walking by

(hide)

blank sheet

sometimes
the hardest challenge
in my life

is a blank sheet
of paper

with nothing to guide

but the will
to let go what's within
is stronger than
anything outside

and again i write

making sense
out of the nonsense
that fills my days

making hope
out of the troubles
that bleed through

restoring and
renewing what's
within

pushing  darkness
out

until the sun comes again
(true)

the wait

what makes us
wait
for what we want?

what makes us
tarry
for the one we love?

what makes us
think
day after day

that lives will change
if we hold still

and keep life on pause

not fully extending
until the ending

of an unseen dawn

how do we carry on
when we
can't even count
on the sun?

(begun)

lessons from fall

subtly
the love of fall
sneaks up on you

colourful
in its passion
crunchy
in its playfulness

quiet
in its wisdom

 teaching
until its last moment
of aliveness

(endure)

skate

missing you
shouldn't be my profession

but it is

missing you
shouldn't be my confession

but it is
night after night

hiding my feelings
so they won't hurt you
hiding my heart
so you won't suffer

trying hard
to keep out the real

so that we can keep it light

why do i have to be
so emo inside
why can't i skate
over the surface

barely touching the ice

graceful
in the jumps
and tough
in the landings

alive in the horizon

....until it's all normal again

(hide)

try

it the tangibles
that i remember

your hair in your face
when you're trying
to tell me something serious

the glare you give
when you're trying
not to laugh at my jokes

oh to touch you again

it's the intangibles
that linger

the acceptance i feel
when you're trying
to understand my problems

the hope i get
when you're trying
to be better for me

stop trying, you're there

i live only to try
to give back to you

all that you given to me

(try)

echoes

i can see
the shadow of you
in her eyes

and as
she grows
among us

i know
she won't come
between us

because
the love that made her
so strong

is the love
that'll be there

long after
we're gone

she's the echo
of our song

(listen)

age old

what did you think
we needed to bring

on our trip to forever?

a smart hat
to ward off the rain

a nice coat
to keep away the chills

your parakeet
who you just taught
to sing
the song of freedom
that we hum
to-day

oh so far away
from what
we're used to be

but oh so close
to the sun

(begun)

anywhere

take me anywhere
anywhere but here

words are too dear

to explain...

but anywhere there's rain

someone

someone
to tell your troubles to

no matter how big
no matter how small

someone
to give
and take with

to give all you have
to take and take again

someone
that answers the call
within you

the screaming
inside of you
that no one else
can hear

that unexpected
someone

who scares and
calms
all in one breath

like a sudden storm
that rages
into the night

and leaves
a cool morning behind

(near)

you know

getting used to you

all over again

remembering

in a flash

how strong you are

wondering

for a moment

how you came to care for me

when we're so hideously different

then slowly

little by little

as reality comes into focus

relaxing inside

as in-jokes fly back and forth

between two souls
so desperate to remember
truths that never seem
to be forgotten

no matter how long
the distance
no matter how far
the heart

(know)

getting by

you had
rainbows in your eyes
when you first saw me

thrilled with
the unusual that i was

wondering about the future

now there's no talk
between us
about the next day

much less next year

as we worry what
we've shown
inside

to our outside worlds

i still love
every nail in your hand
even when
you hold me back

i still marvel
at the colour of your eyes
even when
they flash at me

i still want
your voice in my ear
even when
it's veiled in confusion

we'll get by
even if we can't
get over ourselves

...two hearts
holding true

me and you

(live)

lean

let me
lean like this
forever

and
let me
remember the
time

when all was
calm

when all was
silent

except
for the sound
of your heart

beating like mine

......in perfect time

(hold)

quicksand

can there be
nothing more
but a quicksand
between us?

must the words
i say
always sink me
further into
the darkness?

can't i be
as much of a
light
as you are
to me?

oh why must
i be

the shadow

in a sky
full of
the promise
of rainbows

(hush)

lost in

i speak
a language
you've never
even heard of

i repeat
and repeat

every word i say

watching words
between us

disappear

into the shadows
of our own
misunderstandings

(listen)

walk new ways

if you go back
in time
to try to change
your world

would you
remember me
while you
undo
all the damage
that life has given you?

will you know that
the bad
brought you
down the path
to me.....

and will you walk
in the shadows
again?

i learned long ago
that the
darkness
makes the
light
more meaningful

and that
nightmares become
faint memories

when dreams come true

would you
remember
the miracles that happen
when you
think
nothing goes your way

......and walk my way
again?

(new)

sometime in love

we spoke
for a moment

then i knew
you had to go

we saw
each other
for an instant

then you went
along your way

but you left me
recharged
and i sent with you
my love

and all the burdens
fell away

for just a moment
for just an instant

for just a sometime in love

(grow)

balanced

in the balance
of what was
and what should be

you hold me
with all the strength
of your love
to keep me near

reviving
what i never thought
was inside of me

reminding me
what i never knew
i could do

giving me
the power to
be where i want
to be

even if
all i want to do

is be with you

(hold)

protection

i will protect you
in the day

when your eyes
close
mine will always
stay open

scanning, and
searching

always looking ahead

until you
awaken
once more

refreshed, and relaxed

then you can
protect me

all over again

(rest)

kiss of halves

you come to me

broken in battle

.

weary of the wars

that once made

you strong

.

holding life by a thread

.

i will warm

what's left of your heart

.

fill your mind

with the pleasures of hope

.

kiss you

to show you

there's still love in the world

for you

.

and make you whole again

.

one stitch

at

a time

.

until you know you're mine

.

(trust)

.

picture:  "stolen kiss" by ~zelkats

source:  http://zelkats.deviantart.com/art/Stolen-Kiss-152224036



audio version here: https://soundcloud.com/jamison99/kiss

the unknown

you didn't tell me
i was going to care this much

you didn't show me
who you were

until the moment
i fell in love

by then it was too late

there was no way
i could leave you

i was invested

there was no way
i could forget you

i was addicted

there was no way
i could stop loving you

i saw a look in your eyes
that matched
the searchlight in
my heart

the part
i thought no one
could see

you saw through me
and opened my soul

i can't turn away
anymore

it was always you

(hold)

audio version:  https://soundcloud.com/jamison99/the-unknown

greyness

how confident
we think we are

until we hear the footsteps

how bright
the day seems to be

until we walk under the bridge

how sure
we are of living
until we feel the fear
of living
on the edge
of the comfort
we think we have

before it all goes grey again

(hide)

a mission

to see it
and write it

to capture it
and feel it

to know it
and love it

before it slips away

....into the remainder of the day...

(go)

no matter

i feel like
no matter what i do
there won't be a way
to get to you

i'll be the same
out of focus
oddball
of a woman

and you'll be
the same
far away
silhouette
of a man

both of us
frustrated by
the lack of
understanding

but still feeling a
connection
that never goes
away

no matter what
excuses we
yell at each other

no matter what
things we
don't say

it never seems
to go away

(focus)

undoing

i'm not
as sad
as you think i am

i just feel
more than
i used to

i see
your side
and wonder why
you stay

i see
my side
and wonder why
i'm the way i am

pushing you
away
with each
insecurity i
voice

undoing
the beauty
that we created
when the sun
shone in our
favour

and all the world was ours

(dim)

lingering

we must spend time
lingering
over the nothings
that lead to something

the whispers
in the ear
that lead to giggles

the kisses
on the cheek
that lead to smooches

the hugs
around the shoulder
that lead to snuggles

the talks
that meander over
subject after subject

saying nothing
and everything, too

reinforcing
what was
and adding the new

in a soft sweet cycle of love

(again)

no hope

how long
did you mean to wait?

was i even a
passing thought
as you passed me by?

are you too hypnotized
by your tragedy
to see

what used to be me?

i'm caught up
in the hope of
seeing you again

eye to eye
face to face
equally

never wising up
to the truth of
the reality

that you never knew me

two strangers bound
by responsibility

never to see the beauty
of real love
(gone)

whisper wish

i wish
for all things good
for you

i wish the path to be light
for you

i wish the day was filled
with sun

and the night, a rain
cool enough for
one blanket
five pillows
one radio

and you
wrapped up in a cocoon
of slumber

dreaming gentle dreams of the days ahead

let relaxation run
through the torrid strands
of your twisted hair

and think of me kindly again

(sleep)

identity

forgive me
for being cautious
still

forgive me
for being wary

but love's come
before
and i messed it up

and i don't know me
anymore

if you can stand
the emo with
the smiles

if you can see
the sunshine in
the clouds

if you can know
the blessings in
the tears

then you know me
better than me

and maybe
the road won't be
so rocky
this time

maybe
i'll know what
it's like to be free

as long as
you're you
and as long as
i'm me

whatever we are

(open)

guide

i don't understand
all of the pain

and i don't know
all the sorrow

but i do know
of hurt and i
do know of
sadness

and how it lingers
in the night

so even though
i don't have
all the right words
to say

i do understand

so tell me
as much as you
can bear

and let me
hold you
as much as you
want me to

and i will hide
the world away

i want to stay
and be the one
for you

the one who'll
help you
in your journey to you

whenever you are ready

to try living again

(stay)

alight

i think
of what happened
not too long ago

and dream
of what will happen
again

i wish
for the days
to be short

and hope
for the nights
to fly by

i remember you
as the one

who always tried to care

please remember me
as the one

who'll see you through

.....until the sun shines again....

(light)

dramatic close

in the silence
of sudden hurt
i try to think
why i take things too
seriously

why fun
all of a sudden
goes out the window
outshined by
my precious feelings

do i take myself
so seriously?

do i put myself
above others?

why do i take myself away
to the highest mountain

hugging heavy heart close

dramatically looking
to the sun alone

wondering why i
overreached

why couldn't i
breach the wall
of insanity

for just a moment
of unspoken peace

(give)

pathways

time
too short in its passing
gave credit to our gladness
and held still for a moment

long enough
for me to rediscover
the country of understanding
in your eyes

as you
got used to the wild
playfulness
that you encouraged from me

and we walked
hand in hand
into a place i should have
made my own

but never did

lead by a guide
just as blind as i was

but just as willing to learn

forests touch the sun
from far away

and grow fiercely to the winds

(again)

dreams

relaxing
connects the calm
of you
with the gleefulness
of me

dreaming
connects the escape
of you
with the playfulness
of me

sleeping
connects the purpose
of you
with the hopefulness
of me

breathe deep
the sounds of me
as i dwell in
the warmth of you

as we forget
what we've been through

and dream

(sleep)

lost in slumberland

the world is up
and moving round
and here i am
on the other side
of the land

thinking of you

i know
you're sleeping
renewing
and dreaming about
men things

like food
and technology
and boobs

and such

and even though
i know
i'd be a bit of distraction
for you

as you frolic in dreamland

i would walk through
hot coals
i would swim through
glass seas

i would sit through
a thousand tea party speeches

just to rest with you again

heart to heart
hand to hand
pillow stealing
blanket taking

forever lost in love

(soon)