my plate
is full right now
my cup
runneth over
with troubled waters
i wish
you'd just
step away
(for just a little while)
until my head's straight
until my mind's clear
until . . .
something right
happens in my life
but
if i put you on pause
and have you wait
until the world's
just right
i'd never see you again
stay near
stay close
stay in love
be loved
but don't expect
a whirlwind
of epic proportions
there's just
going to be
spastic you
(and your giggle)
and weary me
(if you'll take me)
take me
as far as you can go
and i'll take you
as far as you can dream
(soon)
Friday, August 19, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
overdubbed
sometimes
my words
don’t match up
to what i think
like a badly dubbed
foreign movie
seen late at night
i struggle
and waver
hem
and haw
shifting from one foot
to another
awkwardly
and yet
when i write
the phrases come out
complete, and pure
complete, and pure
in a wave of beauty
universally understood
if only the world
could slow down
for my words
give me a chance
to roll my brain
around my heart
then i could finally say
all the things i feel
that stir me inside
before you walk away
soundcloud version here: http://soundcloud.com/jamison99/overdubbed
Friday, July 8, 2011
no one
no one can be certain what's inside a man's heart and no one can tell you what he means when he holds you close in the night no close friend analyzing his emails over coffee and bagels no psychic with her hands to her temple and her fingers in your wallet no psychiatrist who lies you on his couch and lies to you by the hour no dr phil no oprah no one all you can do is look into his eyes breathe in his soul and trust yourself accept him for him and open your heart and with whispers in the night and gestures in the day he'll reveal everything walls between you will fall and build strong around you both
unsure eyes
will learn to
focus
will learn to
focus
on treasured realities
and
no one
will be able to take away
the joy
you have won
you have won
(tuesday, january 25, 2011 at 1:13am) 28/9/12 http://soundcloud.com/jamison99/no-one
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
small glimmerings (a matt and stella story)
To-day wasn't going to be good. He could feel it, all the way down to his bones.
Matt wiped the back of his hand across his forehead, then examined the dirt that came off him. Disgusting. He looked around him. The hedges were unruly . . .the grass, gnarly and jungle-like. The dandelions . .everywhere.
This was going to take forever.
Sighing, Matt squared his shoulders, and picked up the weed eater once more.
Well, he would have, except . . .
The fun thing about living with Stella is that you can hear her coming before you can see her. Either she's wearing the big boots that stomp even on the softest grass . . or she's strapped to a backpack with seven or eight jingling keys . . or . .or . .
Dear God, no. Not the iPod.
Matt smiled inwardly, knowing that Stella was trying . . really trying to sneak up on him. Respectfully. He stood still, and waited for her to prance over to him . . .
And she did. Singing, of course.
"You're an essay in grammar . . please pardon the . . grammar . .but you're every schoolgirl's dream. You're the Celtics, United, but baby I've decided you're the best thing I've ever seen . . "
"and she was," Matt murmured to himself.
Stella stood in front of him, heavily ladened. Iced water, in a big orange glass in one hand. A very flat sandwich, on a green plastic plate in the other. A sandwich bag under her arm . . .
.....and a smile spread across her face.
Matt moved his sunglasses over his head, like a knight flipping open his steel visor. Stella tried to do the same, but couldn't quite move the glass . . to her other hand, or the plate . .to the first hand . . or ..
. .it was really quite complicated, the shuffling.
Understanding almost immediately, Matt moved forward, and gently uncovered his lady's eyes.
"Hi," he whispered.
'Hi!" she yelled back, "I brought you some . . ."
Matt gently removed one of the earbuds from her ear.
" . . .foodstuffs . . "
"I'm right here."
"I know."
"There's no need to shout."
"I kn-ow."
"I mean, it's not like I'm deaf."
"I k-n-o-ow!"
She giggled in frustration.
Matt took the plate, and examined the sandwich.
"Flatbread?"
"No. Wheat."
"Why is it so . . .flat?"
"So you can eat it faster."
Matt opened his mouth to say "Oh" but stopped, mid-sound. He looked at her, eyebrow arched. She raised the glass, eye-level.
"Um . . .want your drink?"
"Not . . .yet."
"Could you hold it, for a minute, then?"
He took the beverage from Stella. She immediately ripped open the sandwich bag, and took out a moist red bandanna.
Matt acted like he was mesmerized with his sandwich. Hypnotized. So embroiled in the wonder of the food, that he didn't notice Stella raising on tip-toes, holding the bandanna in her hands . . .moving in back of him, then in front . . trying to....
.trying to . . .
"Hey, could you . . . "
"Just a moment. " he said, with his mouth full. "I'm trying to finish this."
"OK, you can . .but could you . . ."
"After all, there's some sort of time limit involved with my meals all of a sudden."
"No , I just . . ."
"I have to eat reaaaaaalllly fast before the warden comes back."
"No! that's not . . . that's not . . " She always found it hard to finish sentences when she was giggling so hard." That's . . . .smaller sandwiches help you digest better."
"Oh, now it's a question of my health. Well, thank you for watching out for me there. It's a wonder I can do any yard work at all, with me at death's door, and not being able to even digest food . . . "
"No . .I . . no . . Maaaaatttt . . .Stoppit!"
"Suddenly, I feel faint. I mean . . .I don't know if I stumble back to the house. Are you going to escort me back? It seems so far . . . ."
He finally looked at her. Her face had that one patient smile on it. Her cheeks were flushed from laughter. Her hair was all over the place
It was the best thing he saw all day.
"All right . . ." He asked, giving her smile back to her. "What do you need?"
"Could you . . bend your head down a bit?"
Matt leaned down. Stella put the bandanna around his shoulders, knighting him with coolness, and the caring love that she was showing him.
"Thank you."
Matt handed the plate back to Stella, and drained the glass soon after. She smiled, gathered up the different accessories, and bounced away.
Matt followed her with his eyes, keeping her in sight as long as possible. At one point, she turned the corner, and the sun reflected off the glass. It looked, just for a moment, like a star in the distance.
He watched her small, glimmering figure until he could see her no more. Then he went on with the rest of his work . . .refreshed, restored . . . .
. . .and renewed for the rest of the day.
Matt wiped the back of his hand across his forehead, then examined the dirt that came off him. Disgusting. He looked around him. The hedges were unruly . . .the grass, gnarly and jungle-like. The dandelions . .everywhere.
This was going to take forever.
Sighing, Matt squared his shoulders, and picked up the weed eater once more.
Well, he would have, except . . .
The fun thing about living with Stella is that you can hear her coming before you can see her. Either she's wearing the big boots that stomp even on the softest grass . . or she's strapped to a backpack with seven or eight jingling keys . . or . .or . .
Dear God, no. Not the iPod.
Matt smiled inwardly, knowing that Stella was trying . . really trying to sneak up on him. Respectfully. He stood still, and waited for her to prance over to him . . .
And she did. Singing, of course.
"You're an essay in grammar . . please pardon the . . grammar . .but you're every schoolgirl's dream. You're the Celtics, United, but baby I've decided you're the best thing I've ever seen . . "
"and she was," Matt murmured to himself.
Stella stood in front of him, heavily ladened. Iced water, in a big orange glass in one hand. A very flat sandwich, on a green plastic plate in the other. A sandwich bag under her arm . . .
.....and a smile spread across her face.
Matt moved his sunglasses over his head, like a knight flipping open his steel visor. Stella tried to do the same, but couldn't quite move the glass . . to her other hand, or the plate . .to the first hand . . or ..
. .it was really quite complicated, the shuffling.
Understanding almost immediately, Matt moved forward, and gently uncovered his lady's eyes.
"Hi," he whispered.
'Hi!" she yelled back, "I brought you some . . ."
Matt gently removed one of the earbuds from her ear.
" . . .foodstuffs . . "
"I'm right here."
"I know."
"There's no need to shout."
"I kn-ow."
"I mean, it's not like I'm deaf."
"I k-n-o-ow!"
She giggled in frustration.
Matt took the plate, and examined the sandwich.
"Flatbread?"
"No. Wheat."
"Why is it so . . .flat?"
"So you can eat it faster."
Matt opened his mouth to say "Oh" but stopped, mid-sound. He looked at her, eyebrow arched. She raised the glass, eye-level.
"Um . . .want your drink?"
"Not . . .yet."
"Could you hold it, for a minute, then?"
He took the beverage from Stella. She immediately ripped open the sandwich bag, and took out a moist red bandanna.
Matt acted like he was mesmerized with his sandwich. Hypnotized. So embroiled in the wonder of the food, that he didn't notice Stella raising on tip-toes, holding the bandanna in her hands . . .moving in back of him, then in front . . trying to....
.trying to . . .
"Hey, could you . . . "
"Just a moment. " he said, with his mouth full. "I'm trying to finish this."
"OK, you can . .but could you . . ."
"After all, there's some sort of time limit involved with my meals all of a sudden."
"No , I just . . ."
"I have to eat reaaaaaalllly fast before the warden comes back."
"No! that's not . . . that's not . . " She always found it hard to finish sentences when she was giggling so hard." That's . . . .smaller sandwiches help you digest better."
"Oh, now it's a question of my health. Well, thank you for watching out for me there. It's a wonder I can do any yard work at all, with me at death's door, and not being able to even digest food . . . "
"No . .I . . no . . Maaaaatttt . . .Stoppit!"
"Suddenly, I feel faint. I mean . . .I don't know if I stumble back to the house. Are you going to escort me back? It seems so far . . . ."
He finally looked at her. Her face had that one patient smile on it. Her cheeks were flushed from laughter. Her hair was all over the place
It was the best thing he saw all day.
"All right . . ." He asked, giving her smile back to her. "What do you need?"
"Could you . . bend your head down a bit?"
Matt leaned down. Stella put the bandanna around his shoulders, knighting him with coolness, and the caring love that she was showing him.
"Thank you."
Matt handed the plate back to Stella, and drained the glass soon after. She smiled, gathered up the different accessories, and bounced away.
Matt followed her with his eyes, keeping her in sight as long as possible. At one point, she turned the corner, and the sun reflected off the glass. It looked, just for a moment, like a star in the distance.
He watched her small, glimmering figure until he could see her no more. Then he went on with the rest of his work . . .refreshed, restored . . . .
. . .and renewed for the rest of the day.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
ode to silence
hanging
with my bestie
silent as always
he's amazing
yet i can't find the words
to say anything
just to talk
just to share
just to relate
just to know
i should be
just content
to breathe the same air
but
i'm into words
(both vague and clear)
and i feel something
in my heart
demanding
to come out
but
as my lips part
to let free
some silly
overlived phrase
he looks at me
with deep eyes
and stares at me
seriously
and we laugh
our
heads off
snorting
into our coffees
in a display
most unbecoming
to love-tortured couples
(but
why do you have
to torture your love
with hallmark words?)
let the joy
in your eyes
and the snorts
in your . .uh . .nose
show the love
that ever-grows
in your heart
the words
won't be remembered
half as much
as the twinkle in your eyes
(shaddup)
audio version here: https://soundcloud.com/jamison99/ode-to-silence
with my bestie
silent as always
he's amazing
yet i can't find the words
to say anything
just to talk
just to share
just to relate
just to know
i should be
just content
to breathe the same air
but
i'm into words
(both vague and clear)
and i feel something
in my heart
demanding
to come out
but
as my lips part
to let free
some silly
overlived phrase
he looks at me
with deep eyes
and stares at me
seriously
and we laugh
our
heads off
snorting
into our coffees
in a display
most unbecoming
to love-tortured couples
(but
why do you have
to torture your love
with hallmark words?)
let the joy
in your eyes
and the snorts
in your . .uh . .nose
show the love
that ever-grows
in your heart
the words
won't be remembered
half as much
as the twinkle in your eyes
(shaddup)
audio version here: https://soundcloud.com/jamison99/ode-to-silence
Thursday, March 3, 2011
backtrack
did you notice
on the night before
the night before last
when you stood
in the middle
of my path
and started walking
closer to me
that i was
slowly
backing away
from you
just like old times?
did you see me
staring down
keeping my eyes from yours?
i could feel you
looking
straight through me
trying to convince me
over and over again
how wrong i was
how right you were
how people
just don't
do
such a thing
and i saw myself
backing away from you
(as i did
yesterday
and a day ago)
thinking
it all comes down to this
you
not even knowing
your own strength
and i
forgetting
what you do
with your power
over and over again
damn me for crossing you
and being fooled again
damn you for wanting me
to be the me
i never said i was
don't make up
my future
without even knowing
what i am now
i'll back away
and back away
once more
never
to retrace
my steps again
(gone)
on the night before
the night before last
when you stood
in the middle
of my path
and started walking
closer to me
that i was
slowly
backing away
from you
just like old times?
did you see me
staring down
keeping my eyes from yours?
i could feel you
looking
straight through me
trying to convince me
over and over again
how wrong i was
how right you were
how people
just don't
do
such a thing
and i saw myself
backing away from you
(as i did
yesterday
and a day ago)
thinking
it all comes down to this
you
not even knowing
your own strength
and i
forgetting
what you do
with your power
over and over again
damn me for crossing you
and being fooled again
damn you for wanting me
to be the me
i never said i was
don't make up
my future
without even knowing
what i am now
i'll back away
and back away
once more
never
to retrace
my steps again
(gone)
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
very very strange
there comes a time
when you realize
that all that you fought for
(or fought against)
is for naught
that what
you want in life
together
isn't even what you dreamed
in separation
and with
that realization
comes, naturally,
the urge to go away
far away
because
even if
he never understood you
even if
you never spoke
the same language
even if
he never cared
there was still
this
feeling
that he was on your side
no more
no way
not a thing
can be said
the fundamental
perfection
beats
the free thinking
mess
every. single. time.
(leave soon
before
what's left of your spirit
gets ironed out
with the rest
of your inconsequential
irregularities)
when you realize
that all that you fought for
(or fought against)
is for naught
that what
you want in life
together
isn't even what you dreamed
in separation
and with
that realization
comes, naturally,
the urge to go away
far away
because
even if
he never understood you
even if
you never spoke
the same language
even if
he never cared
there was still
this
feeling
that he was on your side
no more
no way
not a thing
can be said
the fundamental
perfection
beats
the free thinking
mess
every. single. time.
(leave soon
before
what's left of your spirit
gets ironed out
with the rest
of your inconsequential
irregularities)
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