unlisted

by not answering 

you've said enough

by not talking 

you've left enough 

by capturing 

and not killing

by listening 

but not dreaming

by doing 

the bare minimum 

you show it all 

the fall was never 

from the highest peak 

but it kills 

all the same

(blame)

reconnections

Why did you get in touch with me

after all this time?

it's flooding where you are

No it isn't.

well, it's raining where i am

No it's not.

it's raining in my heart

Of course. Well, what do you have to tell me?

stay dry

But it isn't raining.

so it'll be easy

All right. Is there anything else you want to tell me?

(my days are missing my life 

my life is missing a heart 

my heart is missing a crucial piece, and is tearing me apart)

What are you mumbling?

world series scores 

But the Yankees aren't playing.

hush

Hushing. 

(intense quietness)

You know, it's been a horrible week.

here too

You want to sit and sigh here for a while.

yes

(sigh)

cold comfort

you won't cry

so often

like rain patting down 

on the pavement

you'll slowly

decrease the tears

not because 

the hurt goes away

oh no!

the pain will linger 

with every step

with every breath

with every thought

but even then 

the pain becomes a friend

it'll allow you to

finish a sentence 

without quivering

sharpen your gaze

without the 

fog of tears

it will still hurt

when you reach

for comfort

but that pain

is good

it reminds you 

how you got into

this mess

and you will learn 

how to survive 

in the mist

no hugging 

no learning

just being

until you can't be

anymore

(not anytime soon)

bitter lessons

life is a series of

learning

and giving up

listening

and forgetting

loving

and letting go

until it doesn't matter

anymore

take the fire 

from yourself

dull it into darkness

and forget yourself

(survive)

nevermind

in your time

not mine

who you'll meet 

never mine

in your heart 

never mind

by your terms

never mine

nevermind 

lightning rod

what makes me

the one people talk to

returning a movie

someone said 

"this isn't what i thought

it would be"

and i was like 

open to a response

he got the movie because

it was about a war 

he was in

but the movie was about

the politics behind

the war

not the footsteps 

that he walked in

and yet

he didn't want me

to find a movie

about the soldiers' stories 

"i was there"

and he told me

how he was there

carrying 100 pound weapons

that fought against tanks

it was within me to say

"thank you for your service"

and i did, in my way

"we're glad you came back"

he laughed slightly, and said

"me, too"

and nothing more 

had to be said

but i listened anyway

what makes me 

the one they open up to

i always wonder

(me the lightning rod of empathy)

and how can i help

as gracefully as i can

sometimes, 

no matter how slight 

it feels

all i can do is listen

prick up your ears

there's lessons to be learned

(hush)

stop trying

i've decided

to stop trying

no more compliments

to smooth out the wrinkles

of a bed that's not slept in

no more placating

to calm the nerves

of a cat that can't be tamed

no more caring 

for others 

deeply and ardently

past the time

i'm being paid to

no more listening

to conversations 

where i know i can help

if only i can find the right way 

to say what the solution is

before it's too late

no more sharing 

and giving

hoping 

and living

fullstop being

what others need me to be

free

to think and do what i please

it's ok

no one will notice

the change 

from within

but me

just one step closer 

to the darkness 

i still seek

(be)