how to plan an exit

What do you want to do next?

You’ve got options depending on what you want:

• Improve and stay (if it's salvageable)

• Confront or clarify (if you need to push back on unfair treatment)

• Plan an exit (if it’s just not worth it anymore)

How to plan an exit

Clean your room, so there will be nothing for others to be burdened with.

Get rid of any and all emails (They really don't matter anymore).

Write one letter that tells all your feelings.

Go.

or

talk to someone

let them know what's wrong (even if it won't help)

avoid the grey

walk outside (not in front of cars)

stop

what i can do

me me me

not you, because this won't work for you

find a way to help others 

find a way to hurt without bleeding

find a way not to be passive aggressive

find a way to not fixate on yourself 

find a way out (but not permanently)

find a way to stay (because it doesn't matter anyway)

(go)

suddenly

i tell you
death comes so suddenly

 i went to change clothes
and he left

"i'm hot"
he said
"i'll get you a wet washcloth"
i said
"what's wrong?"
he never said

heart on hand
i tell you
he never went to a doctor
nothing

"i'm not believing he died"
said my doctor

the fireman asked
if he took a pill
i said 
"he hasn't a pill to his name"

he never wanted to talk about death
with me
"dad wanted to be cremated" 
my son said
"and he didn't want the preacher
involved"
i had no idea

we just had a gravesite ceremony

i was shocked
we had life insurance
and i didn't have to spend money on his funeral
but no one ever should be sure 
of anything
because he never took a pill
never had any complaints

never said anything

nothing was wrong

i never read 
until he died
and now i read all the time

i really enjoy it now

well i have to have something,
don't i?
to cut through the silence

of the days

(haze)

that's all

there comes a point

when you aren't useful

in someone's life

anymore

distance after distance

pushes all feeling away

until you await 

emotion

in this box of

empty thought

small sicknesses

long hours at work

fatigue

all become 

excuses

to prolong the silence

until there's 

nothing left 

to say 

except goodbye

thanks for all the fish

don't remember me

and

goodbye

(tried)

anti-dream

dreams 

don't mean anything

loose teeth will come out

when they want to come out

sleeping deep

is more satisfying

keep that imagery away

don't underline

the carelessness 

of your dream self

whatever you did 

was in jest

strengthen the heart

that's beside yourself

don't dream the goodness away

(stay)

why she broke up with me

well, first of all,

it's none of your business

i'm kidding

i know you're only asking 

because you care

and you've been nice to us

and stuff

so i guess i can tell you

at first

she told me not to hover so much

so i stood away

then she told me

i was too far away

so i moved closer

then she said that was too close 

and if i really knew her i'd be able

to measure just how far i was 

supposed to be from her 

at any given time

i told her 

i didn't know if i could know anyone

that good

then she cried

and turned away

and that ended it

it's stupid, huh?

after all this time of me 

walking across the street

to meet her

and walking back with her

to see her

and i never knew

i was close enough 

to the end 

of me and her

thanks for being my friend

but i can't talk about it

anymore

(lore)

let him stay

make him stay

just a little bit longer

lingering in your prescence

he came all this way

to give you sustenance

let him bask in your essence

it's been far too long

since i've spoke tenderly

and i fear i show myself

in being so lenient

but let him stay, tho he be weary

let love be near, even for a moment

let me remember what it was back then

let him win

every once in awhile

(not always)

pause

put it in a ziploc

until it goes away

don't speak to anyone

until they all behave

don't listen to your heart

it always points away

put your life on pause

and simply walk away

(again)